The Cursed Wakka Doll
by MoMo-ChAn1
Summary: FINAL CHAPTER! NO MORE CHAPTERS! THE LAST ONE! COME READ IT! NOW! The title tells you it's about a cursed Wakka doll. If you want a full summary, it's inside.
1. Prologue

A/N: It's the Cursed Wakka Doll. The story of a doll that looks like Wakka that turns anyone it touches (except the people in your party in FFX) into Al Bhed hating Yevonites! Even Al Bhed! Ohohohohohohoho . . . And if you guys don't like the idea, go blame Choco, it's his idea.  
  
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy X . . . BELONGS TO ME! The game, not the idea or anything else . . . which is rather depressing because Seymour is just so icky . . .  
  
**Quote of the Day** "No one can escape their destiny. It's impossible." - Kishu Arashi, X/1999, Anime  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Prologue  
  
It was very sad really. In trying to bring Auron and Tidus back to life, Wakka was seriously injured. How, I don't know. Probably in a battle. Yeah, that's it, a battle. Which is really funny because . . . oh never mind. Let's just get this chapter over with.  
  
"Ohh man, it hurts, ya?" groaned a near-death Wakka, holding his side.  
  
"Shut up! Let me try to heal it, you idiot!" shouted Lulu  
  
"It doesn't matter. No magic can heal him now. He's as good as dead," said Auron, always the cheerful member of our group. Though, now that Sin's dead, he can't say, "Sin is Jecht" or anything like that. Which was kinda annoying . . .  
  
"Geez Auron, can't you be a little less gloomy?" complained Tidus. "I mean, if Wakka's on his death bed, do you have to be so depressing?" Auron just ignored Tidus. Yuna walked up to Auron, a pleading look on her face.  
  
"Isn't there anything we can do?" she asked, a few tears glistening in her eyes. Wakka was like an older brother to her, remember? Auron shook his head.  
  
"Is Wakka really gonna die?" cried Rikku, jumping up and down as if she was excited.  
  
"Wakka's really gonna die, ya?" Wakka said weakly. "Just bury me in Luca, where they blitz . . ."  
  
"You don't want to be buried in Besaid? That is where you were born you know," said Lulu, sighing and giving Wakka a sad smile.  
  
"Oh yeah. Then bury me there."  
  
Kimahri just stood there, arms crossed and staring at nothing. To tell the truth, he never really liked Wakka, but it's not like he wanted him to die or anything. Yuna and Rikku began crying. Tidus went over to them and gave them a hug to comfort them. And so, in about ten minutes, Wakka of the Besaid Aurochs died.  
  
But what about the Cursed Wakka Doll? That is what this fanfic is about, right? Well, yes, but I had to show Wakka die. What nobody knew about Wakka, not even Wakka himself, was that he had two personalities. One was the fun-loving person that we all know and one was an evil Yevonite who hated Tidus and co. for killing Yu Yevon. Occasionally, the evil and SMART personality emerged. And when it did it created a Wakka doll. But I don't know where this evil Yevonite learned how to curse things, but he did! He cursed that Wakka doll and laughed while he did it. Then he was told to shut up by Lulu who was sleeping in the next room. Then he put it in a chest and snuck on board the Airship because they were in Besaid and Rikku was visiting. And he hid that chest where no one would find it until they were supposed to. He gave an evil chuckle, returned to his room, and went to sleep.  
  
And now that Wakka's DEAD, they discover THE CURSED WAKKA DOLL.  
  
***END OF PROLOGUE***  
  
A/N: Hee hee, this is funny. Well to me it is! And Choco. I hope you like this. If I don't update soon enough it means I'm either busy or lazy. Most likely I'm lazy. Bye! Review! 


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Here it is, the first chapter of THE CURSED WAKKA DOLL! And Nimrook, Berrik, and Blappa are all Al Bhed Psyches. I wanted to put in Keyakku, but then Choco reminded me that he was dead. I LIKE the name Keyakku! It's just fun to say!  
  
Disclaimer: No own Final Fantasy X.  
  
**Quote of the Day** "Go on with you! Let's get this over with!" -Samwise Gamgee, The Two Towers (book)  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Chapter One  
  
"Hm? Fryd'c drec?" (Translation: Hm? What's this?)  
  
Brother and some other Al Bhed are leaning over a chest. "Fyc drec rana pavuna?" (Was this here before?) said one. The others shrugged. One of them leaned closer in order to open it but was stopped by Brother.  
  
"Fa tur'd gruf fryd'c er ed! Mad'c mayja ed ymura," said Brother. (We don't know what's in it! Let's leave it alone.) The others snorted.  
  
"Ed'c y dnaycina lraud! Ed'c cobbucat du pa UBAHAT!" (It's a treasure chest! It's supposed to be OPENED!)  
  
"Pid . . . fryd uv drana'c cusadrehk fa cruimth'd duilr?" (But . . . what if there's something we shouldn't touch?)  
  
It was too late. One of the Al Bhed, Nimrook, had already opened the treasure chest. The others gasped and stepped back. Nimrook just stared into the chest. Slowly, the others crept closer and peered in. What they saw was the last thing they expected to see . . .  
  
. . . the cursed Wakka doll!  
  
There it lay, dressed and looking exactly like Wakka, right down to those little stubs on his chin. Next to it lay a note. Nimrook picked it up. The others urged him to read it. He blinked twice and passed it on. The Al Bhed kept passing it to the next person until it came to Brother. He stared at it longer than the others did.  
  
" . . . E LYH'D NAYT ED!" (I can't read it!) Brother screamed, ripping the note in two. Nimrook watched the pieces float down to the ground. Looking up at Brother, he said in a simple voice, "Rikku luimt ryfa nayt ed. Rikku lyh nayt Spiran." (Rikku could have read it. Rikku can read Spiran.) Brother blinked and realized his mistake. Trying to cover up for his stupidity, he laughed.  
  
"E ghuf dryd! E zicd tur'd drehg fa cruimt sacc fedr ed. Dryd'c fro E nebbat ed!" (I know that! I just don't think we should mess with it. That's why I ripped it!) Brother said.  
  
"Reo! Drana'c y pidduh!" (Hey! There's a button!)  
  
Brother looked around and realized that the group had moved away from him and to another corner of the room. Walking over to them, he peered over the shoulders of others. Now Blappa was holding the doll. He had flipped it over and a small, RED button had revealed itself as if by magic. (Choco: Well duh, the doll's cursed!) Too curious now to protest, Brother said what any of us would have said.  
  
"Bicr dra pidduh." (Push the button.)  
  
But now, Berrik was cautious. Why, we don't know. Do you want to know? Well too bad! We don't know, so YOU don't know! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha . . . (chokes on a piece of carrot.)  
  
"Mad'c HUD bicr dra pidduh," Berrik said. (Let's NOT push the button)  
  
"Fryd yna oui, clynat? (What are you, scared?)  
  
"Hu . . . pid-" (No . . .but-)  
  
"Hu pidc. Fa bicr dra pidduh." (No buts. We push the button)  
  
"HU!" cried Berrik.  
  
"OAC!" commanded Brother  
  
"HU!"  
  
"OAC!"  
  
Blappa was now confused. Should he listen to Brother, who wanted to PUSH the button? Or should he listen to Berrik, who DIDN'T want to push the button? Oh God, the decision was too hard! The pressure, too much! He couldn't take it! So what did Blappa do?  
  
BLAPPA DROPPED THE CURSED WAKKA DOLL!  
  
And it landed on . . . THE BUTTON!  
  
The crowd gasped and interrupted Brother and Berrik's fight.  
  
"Fryd?!" cried Berrik.  
  
The Wakka doll didn't move.  
  
Everyone gave a little sigh. The doll wasn't dangerous. But then . . .  
  
The right hand twitched. The doll sat up. The brown eyes blinked. The head turned. The Al Bhed stared. It stood up. It walked up to the treasure chest and removed a tiny blitzball. A mini version of Wakka's final weapon. It walked back to face the Al Bhed. They stared down at it. It smiled and held its blitzball in an attack formation. The Al Bhed laughed.  
  
"Muug! Ed'c dnoehk du yddylg ic!" Nimrook laughed. (Look! It's trying to attack us!)  
  
The Wakka doll's eyes flickered. It went from a brown to a very creepy black. It's nice smile turned into an ugly smirk. The doll chuckled. It said one word that doomed them all. It said, "Ya?" The unmistakable feeling of dread crept over everyone in the room.  
  
It attacked.  
  
Screaming, "YA?!" at the top of its cloth and cotton-filled lungs, it lunged at the nearest Al Bhed, constantly whacking him with the tiny blitzball. The others were speechless, watching their friend be attacked by a crazy doll that had come to life. While that Al Bhed was screaming for help, the Wakka doll continued to whack the blitzball against his head.  
  
"RAMB SA!" screamed the victim. (HELP ME!)  
  
It was too late. The Wakka doll jumped off of him. But it kept smirking at the Al Bhed it had attacked. Soon the Al Bhed stiffened. His clothes began to become yellow, his skin tanner, his hair red and beginning to stick up. He removed his goggles and revealed black eyes. He was becoming a zombie-Yevonite Wakka!  
  
And all everyone could do was stare.  
  
***END OF CHAPTER***  
  
A/N: I CONVERTED AN AL BHED! Choco: Stupid. MoMo: I'm NOT stupid. This was YOUR idea, remember? Choco: Shut up! MoMo: Please review and tell us what you think. 


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: HALLO! CHAPPIE NUMBER TWO! THE WAKKA DOLL ATTACKS MORE AL BHED! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! By the way, there is a little Wakka bashing because it's just so much fun to make fun of an idiot like that . . .  
  
**Quote of the Day** "Do you honestly think that nobody would cry if you died?" - Aoki Seiichiro, X/1999, Anime  
  
Disclaimer: DON'T YOU GET IT? I DON'T OWN THE RIGHTS TO FFX! NEITHER DOES CHOCO! WE ARE USING THE CHARACTERS, PLACES, AND PAST EVENTS WITHOUT PERMISSION!  
  
(___) - These are Al Bhed translations  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Chapter Two  
  
  
  
All right, the cursed Wakka doll is working on "converting" all the Al Bhed and everyone else in Spira into zombie-Yevonite Wakkas. ^-^ We are pleased to continue this fanfic. Enjoy.  
  
  
  
  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed all the Al Bhed, staring at their friend who was staring blankly back at them.  
  
"Ya?" the "converted" Al Bhed said tonelessly.  
  
The others' eyes grew wide. Ya? Ya? That was something that Wakka had said constantly at the end of all his sentences. And if they weren't mistaken, he had been a Yevonite! A BIG Yevonite! One who believed all Al Bhed were EVIL. One who believed that by simply redeeming all your sins, Sin would disappear. Well now one of their own had become a Yevonite. Which was kinda weird seeing as how Yu Yevon's dead, the maesters are pretty much dead, and there's no more Sin so basically there aren't any Yevonites.  
  
"All Al Bhed must die," said the former Al Bhed. "They are heathens."  
  
"Dryd'c hud jano hela!" shouted Nimrook. (That's not very nice!)  
  
"Oayr! Fa'na hud raydrahc!" said another Al Bhed. (Yeah! We're not heathens!)  
  
The "converted" shook his head. "You are heathens."  
  
"Hu fa'na hud." (No we're not)  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Hu." (No.)  
  
"Yes. All must die."  
  
The Wakka Doll had turned around to face the Al Bhed. He sneered at them while holding his blitzball close. "It's because of you everyone has sinned, ya?! You have killed Yevon himself, ya?! You must die, ya?!"  
  
An idiot of an Al Bhed, whom we shall call Idiot, spoke up. "Fa teth'd gemm Yevon." (We didn't kill Yevon.)  
  
The Wakka Doll frowned. "I don't understand you, ya?"  
  
Brother came to the front of the crowd to face the Cursed Wakka Doll. "We . . . peaceful. No . . . hurt," he said, using his very limited Spiran vocabulary.  
  
"You do hurt."  
  
Brother's face was twisting up, trying to think of the Spiran equivalent to Al Bhed. 'Tysh, E cruimt'ja byet suna yddahdeuh eh lmycc!' he thought. (Damn, I should've paid more attention in class) "We . . . hurt . . . bad . . ." he trailed off, at a loss for more words that the Doll would understand.  
  
The Doll grew more furious. "HA! You admitted it, ya?!"  
  
"Hu!" cried Brother, shaking his head.  
  
Too late, Brother dear! The doll was mad. Appearing out of nowhere, another blitzball lands in the "converted" Al Bhed's hands. At first the Al Bhed stares at it, due to the fact that his intelligence has gone down due to his "conversion." He looked at it from all sides, trying to figure out how the blitzball works. The Doll jumped up and hit him with his own mini- blitzball. That hit must have done something because the "converted" went into a Wakka battle position. And that looks really stupid on Wakka alone. Now just imagine an Al Bhed trying to look like Wakka and imitating his battle pose. My Gawd, that's scary!  
  
Blappa poked Brother. "Syopa fa cruimt kad uid uv rana." (Maybe we should get out of here.) Brother looked down at him.  
  
"Kaa, oui drehg?" (Gee, you think?)  
  
Blappa rolled his eyes at him and turned to the other Al Bhed. "Uh dra luihd uv drnaa fa nih: uha . . . dfu . . . drnaa!" (On the count of three we run: one . . . two . . . three!)  
  
Screaming, Idiot ran straight at the cursed Wakka doll. Now we know why they call him Idiot. The other Al Bhed ran the other way, some hitting their heads with their hands and muttering, "Idiot ec cilr yh eteud!" (Idiot is such an idiot!)  
  
While they were running they heard Idiot screaming. Then, since some of them turned their heads, they saw him running towards them with the converted Al Bhed behind him and the cursed doll on his head, both hitting him with their appointed blitzballs. Poor, poor Idiot. He really was an idiot. A big idiot. The others kept running. No way were they going to go save an idiot like Idiot. Besides, they didn't want to become like Wakka. Being a Yevonite would be bad, but a Yevonite WAKKA?! Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen anytime soon. But it did look like Idiot was catching up to them . . .  
  
Nimrook tripped and fell. That's not good.  
  
"Ramb sa!" he cried. (Help me!)  
  
Too late! The Wakka doll jumped off of Idiot and started attacking Nimrook.  
  
"HU! NIMROOK!" cried a female Al Bhed Psyche whose name escapes me at the time. Though, she still ran leaving Nimrook.  
  
"Nimrook ec mucd! Ra ec y Yevonite!" cried Blappa. (Nimrook is lost! He is a Yevonite!)  
  
Idiot was still screaming as he ran after them. Funnily enough, the converted Al Bhed was ignoring him. So was the doll. Idiot remained an Al Bhed. Guess he was too stupid. Or maybe if he converted, his stupidity would be so low he could not perform basic functions to live, like breathing.  
  
Anyway, now the converted was hitting the Al Bhed from behind. One by one, they fall victim to the blitzball. Even though Wakka wasn't the brightest, he had a mean throw. Cried Berrik as he was hit, "E ryda blitzball huf!" (I hate blitzball now!)  
  
Brother was looking behind to see how many he had lost. Out of the group of eleven, including himself, only six remained.  
  
"Uf!" (Ow)  
  
Make that five.  
  
"Tysh! Fa haat du cdyht yna vekrd!" shouted Brother, not bothering to slow down. (Damn! We need to stand and fight!)  
  
"UG! Oui kioc vekrd yna E'mm kad Cid," panted Blappa. (OK! You guys fight and I'll get Cid)  
  
"Hu fyo! E'mm kad Cid. Ra'c so vydrad!" (No way! I'll get Cid. He's my father.)  
  
"Cu?" (So?)  
  
"Crid ib!" shouted the female Psyche whose name still escapes me. "Zicd NIH!" (Shut up! Just RUN!)  
  
Ah, now it's all the way down to Brother, Blappa, and the female Psyche whose name I will never remember. The converted Al Bhed and the cursed Wakka doll were hot on their trail. Well, they'd have to be, there aren't really any intersections in the airship. Anyway, the cursed Wakka doll threw his mini-blitzball at no one in particular.  
  
THWACK! Down goes Blappa!  
  
Now the first "converted" Al Bhed throws his blitzball.  
  
THWACK! Down goes the female Psyche whose name I can't remember.  
  
RUN, BROTHER, RUN! In Al Bhed: NIH, BROTHER, NIH!  
  
Oh he was running. And he was cursing himself for gaining those ten pounds by eating Yuna's cooking. Damn her and her delectable sweets!  
  
"Tysh oui du ramm, Yuna! Oui yna ouin lincat cfaadc!" shouted Brother, gasping and panting. (Damn you to hell, Yuna! You and your cursed sweets!)  
  
Sorry. We must take a small intermission so Choco and I can laugh until we can laugh no more. Please hold. You are important to us.  
  
***CHEESY MUSIC***  
  
***MORE CHEESY MUSIC***  
  
  
  
***THE HYMN OF THE FAYTH***  
  
  
  
***THE CHEESIET MUSIC EVER COMPOSED***  
  
  
  
  
  
Thank you for your patience. Please scroll down to continue reading.  
  
Brother ran. And ran and ran and ran and ran. And he looked behind him and nearly pissed his pants when he saw what was behind him.  
  
ALL TEN MEMBER OF HIS GROUP WITH THE WAKKA DOLL LEADING THEM! OH THE HORRORS!  
  
Screaming at the top of his lungs, Brother ran straight past Rin. Rin called after him, "Fryd'c kuehk uh?" No response except for Brother's strangled screams. Well that's not helpful. Stupid Brother.  
  
Rin looked in the direction from which Brother came from. He saw the doll and the ten other Al Bhed. What was freaky was the two girls in that group looked like Wakka. What the hell? Why were their clothes yellow? Well, at least the girls were wearing shirts . . .  
  
Rin stood in front of them, blocking their path.  
  
"Move, ya? We gotta convert that Al Bhed, ya?"  
  
Rin smiled. "Don't convert him unless you're completely stocked up!"  
  
The doll tilted his head. "What?"  
  
Rin snapped his fingers, clapped his hands, clicked his heels, and blinked twice. POOF! There was a stall stocked with every item you ever wanted. The converted just stared blankly. The Wakka doll, however, looked at it with interest.  
  
"How much for the potion?" he asked.  
  
"200 gil."  
  
Wakka doll frowns. "Gimme or I convert you."  
  
Sweatdropping, Rin replied, "But for you, a special price of 1 gil."  
  
The Wakka doll looked uncertain. "Well . . . I guess . . ." He forks over 1 gil. Then a bright light appears. **Choir singing "Hallelujah" in high voices can be heard** A beautiful, brand-new, blitzball appears. "I want that," said the doll, pointing.  
  
Rin looked at the blitzball. 'Where the hell did that come from?' "OK, special price, 1 gil." He took down the blitzball and handed it to the doll.  
  
WHUMP!  
  
Everybody stared down at the blitzball, which now covered his entire body, excluding arms and legs. Moving one, a muffled voice said, "I want a duplicate that's smaller."  
  
"Done."  
  
Two minutes later, the Wakka doll had a blitzball that was juuuuuuuuuust right. Smiling up at Rin, he said, "Ya?"  
  
THWACK!  
  
Rin has been converted!  
  
"Follow me, ya?!" cried the cursed Wakka doll. Onward they moved, determined to catch Brother and make him one of their own.  
  
***END OF THE CHAPPIE***  
  
A/N: And to whatever reviewer said to make longer chapters, are you happy now?  
  
MoMo: MWAH HA HA!  
  
Choco: Please review while I sedate my hyper sister. 


	4. Chapter 3

Author's Craziness: Chapter #3! Oh joy! Or as they say in Al Bhed: Ur zuo!  
  
**Quote of the Day** "There's no such thing as a creature with no emotions. You just think that you don't have them." - Kasumi Karen, X/1999, Anime  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not rich. I don't own FFX. Suing me would be pointless. NOW WOULD YOU STUPID LAWYERS GET OFF MY FRONT PORCH?! **Lawyers leave dejectedly**  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Brother is still running. Well, more like a slow jog. Actually, a power walk. Who am I kidding, the guy is crawling on his knees, he's that tired! Managing to open the door to get to where Cid was, he gasped, "Lnywo lincat Wakka tumm ec luhjandehk Al Bhed ehdu Yevonites!" (Crazy cursed Wakka doll is converting Al Bhed into Yevonites!)  
  
Cid stared down at him and looked at him like he was crazy. "Y lincat Wakka tumm? Lusa uh! Drana'c hu cilr drehk!" (A cursed Wakka doll? Come on! There's no such thing!) He gave Brother a nudge with his boot. "Kad ib!" (Get up!) Brother just laid there, face down. Just then, Rikku walked in, eating an apple.  
  
"Hey pops, there's a huge group of people dressed up like Wakka heading here. They're being led by this tiny doll screaming, 'Ya!' and 'Convert Al Bhed, ya?!' Just thought you might like to know about that," she said nonchalantly, walking over to Brother. "Kaaw, fryd rybbahat du oui?" (Geez, what happened to you?)  
  
Brother groaned, lifted his left hand in greeting, then fell into a nice, well-deserved nap. Cid snorted as he looked at his son, then realized that Rikku confirmed what Brother had said. Blinking a few times, he allowed the information to process through his mind. After it had finally sunk in, Cid shouted, "FRYD DRA RAMM TU DRUCA VNAYGC FYHD?!" (WHAT THE HELL DO THOSE FREAKS WANT?!) Rikku just shook her head.  
  
"I told you," she said, "The doll that looks a lot like Wakka was screaming, 'Convert Al Bhed, ya?!' So I'm guessing he wants us all to be Yevonites."  
  
Cid frowned. "I don't wanna be a Yevonite."  
  
Rikku peeked out the door. "There's a huge crowd now. And they're all dressed like Wakka. Even the girls! Wait, do I see Rin?"  
  
Cid rolled his eyes and shouted at Rikku, "Well, what are we gonna do about this?"  
  
Rikku shrugged, then snapped her fingers. "I know! We'll go to Besaid!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because that's where Tidus and everyone is! They've got to know something about changing Al Bhed back to normal!"  
  
"And how would they know that?"  
  
Rikku bit her lip. "Umm . . . Lulu's always been pretty good at controlling Wakka, you know. Maybe she can calm them down?"  
  
"THEN GET OVER TO THE COCKPIT AND TAKE US TO BESAID!"  
  
There was a banging at the door. "Mad sa eh! Bmayca!" (Let me in! Please!)  
  
Rikku jumped. "That's Idiot!"  
  
Cid scratched his bald head. "Who?"  
  
"Idiot. He's really stupid, so when everyone found out what the Spiran equivalent to eteud (idiot) was, they started calling him that, you know? And he's never really caught on. But I wonder why he hasn't been converted?" Rikku went over to the door and let Idiot in. He fell on the floor and crawled further in. Shutting the door, she went over to him.  
  
"Fryd rybbahat?" (What happened?)  
  
So then Idiot went into this long, long narrative that explained everything that happened, and occasionally pointed to Brother. Cid, fed up with no one really listening to him, went to the cockpit and started to take them all to Besaid.  
  
**OUTSIDE THE COCKPIT DOOR**  
  
"Let us in," said Nimrook.  
  
"Must make all Yevonites," said another.  
  
"THAT'S RIGHT, YA?!" cried the Wakka doll. "All must be purified, ya?!"  
  
**BACK WITH RIKKU & CO**  
  
Rikku stood up and put a finger to her lip. "So that's what happened. Idiot, lyh oui damm ic fro oui fanah'd luhjandat?" (Idiot, can you tell us why you weren't converted?) Idiot only shook his head. Then he joined Brother in a nice long nap.  
  
Cid called back, "WE'RE HERE!"  
  
Rikku jumped and punched the air. "ALRIGHT! Now there's the small matter of getting out of the cockpit place . . ."  
  
"Whaddaya mean by that, Rikku?" asked Cid.  
  
"Hear that thumping?" Rikku asked, pointing toward the door. A loud thumping sound is heard. "That's the whole group of crazy, converted, zombie Yevonite Al Bhed."  
  
"That's not good."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"So what do we do?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Should we kill them?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Do you know Sleep?"  
  
Rikku brightened and curled up her right fist and punched her other hand. Waving the left hand in pain, she said to her father, "Yup!"  
  
Arms crossed, Cid just looked at her and waited. And waited and waited and waited and waited . . . "ARE YOU GONNA USE THE SLEEP SPELL OR NOT?!"  
  
Rikku plugged her ears. "Geez Dad, yelling makes you blood pressure go up. We don't want you having a heart attack."  
  
"Did you just hear what I said?"  
  
"Oh! You want me to use Sleep NOW?"  
  
Cid hit his head and let his hand slide down his face. "Yes."  
  
"OK!" Rikku opened the door and casted Sleep on everyone. Yes, even the Wakka doll is asleep! Carefully stepping over the bodies, and occasionally stepping on a stray appendage, Rikku got out of the airship and down to Besaid Village.  
  
**IN BESAID VILLAGE**  
  
Tidus stretched. And stretched some more. Then he took out Caladbolg. Then he got into his fighting position and faced Auron. Auron just stood there, Masamune in hand. Tidus smiled and attacked. Auron dodged it. Tidus fell on his face, his mouth getting filled with dirt. Yuna came out just in time to see Tidus fall and began to laugh. Getting up and brushing off the dirt, Tidus tried to recollect his broken dignity. Rolling his eyes (an amazing feat!), Auron put away the Masamune and walked back inside the house he shared with Lulu and Kimahri. Tidus and Yuna got their own house seeing as how they got married after Tidus returned. Rikku decided to come running up just when Tidus went running after Auron for a rematch and tripped into a mud puddle. Forgetting about the crisis on the airship, Rikku laughed along with Yuna. Then Yuna noticed her.  
  
"Oh, Rikku, what are you doing here?"  
  
Remembering the crisis, Rikku frantically waved her arms in the air. "There's a crazy, cursed Wakka doll bent on converting everyone in Spira into zombie Yevonite Wakkas! They're all on the airship right now, but they're asleep."  
  
Tidus got up and looked down mournfully at his lovely clothes. All this yucky mud all over his nice, clean Zanarkand Abe suit. Calling out to Yuna, he asked, "Do I have another copy of these clothes?" Then he realized what Rikku had said. "A crazy, cursed Wakka doll bent on converting everyone in Spira into zombie Yevonite Wakkas?! NOOOO!"  
  
Yuna sighed. "So we have to save the world?"  
  
Rikku bit her lip. "No, you just have to UNconvert all the Al Bhed on the airship and destroy the cursed Wakka doll."  
  
"Can't you just destroy the doll by yourself?"  
  
Rikku shrugged. "I guess, but what about the converted?"  
  
Lulu, Kimahri, and Auron decided to come out after they had heard Tidus' strangled screams of converted Al Bhed.  
  
"What's going on?" asked a very cranky Lulu.  
  
Rikku repeated her earlier statement.  
  
Auron closed his eyes, Kimahri crossed his arms, and Tidus went inside, took a shower and emerged in clean clothes. Picking up the Caladbolg, Tidus said, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"  
  
Lulu nodded, Yuna nodded, Auron nodded, Rikku nodded, and Kimahri stood there. Everyone stared at Kimahri. They kept staring until he reluctantly nodded his head. Cheering, they all went inside to eat lunch.  
  
**HALF AN HOUR LATER**  
  
After everyone had collected their weapons and equipped themselves and stocked up, they left Besaid and headed for the airship. Arriving at the airship, they boarded it. After doing that, they faced a crowd of zombie Yevonite Wakkas and a tiny doll leading them. Screaming, they went to the cockpit room. Shutting the door, Rikku ran and piloted the airship off of Besaid, stepping on Idiot in the process. Realizing, that Brother and Cid were not there, she shouted, "WHERE'S MY BROTHER AND DAD?!"  
  
****TO BE CONTINUED****  
  
A/N: NYAH NYAH! Now you guys has gotta wait for me to update.  
  
Choco: Why are you so mean?  
  
MoMo: Because. Hey, I let you bring your penguin friends inside!  
  
Choco: Yeah . . . and you did put the house 150 degrees below 0 so the penguins could have a nice stay . . . and you did fill the bottom part of the house with water that later froze over.  
  
MoMo: Yeah. So see, I am nice. SO NYAH! Please review. 


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating! **Bows several times in apology** You see, I have been extremely busy and pressed for time. Not to mention having to come up with gruesome deaths for the people in Harry Potter. But I am updating and all will see the fates of Tidus and company! Enjoy! And don't forget to drop a review!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own the rights to FFX.  
  
**Quote of the Day** "It is forbidden, ya?" - Wakka, FFX  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Rikku was freaking out. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DAD?! WHERE'S MY BROTHER?!" she screamed, pointing at the areas where Brother and Cid were last seen. Everyone sweatdropped except Auron, because he considers himself above that.  
  
"Um, Rikku? Maybe you should calm down," said Yuna, getting ready to cast Stop on Rikku if she needed to.  
  
"CALM DOWN?! WHAT ABOUT MY POP?!"  
  
"Maybe they were converted," said Tidus, shrugging. Rikku's eyes bugged out as she ran to the door. The door opened a crack and Rikku's eyes widened. She motioned for everyone to come to the door. So everyone came to the door. They all peeked out at the converted Al Bhed and gasped.  
  
In front of their eyes were . . . Brother and Cid! What was even more shocking than seeing them in Wakka clothes was the fact that Cid had . . . RED HAIR! The sight was so shocking and sickening that Kimahri had to turn away from the sight.  
  
Now, just picture it in your mind. Yes, yes, I will continue this chapter, but I want you to see Cid in your mind. Do you have his image in your mind? Good. Now, replace his clothes with yellow Wakka clothes. That's scary, right? Now, remove his little beard. Even worse. Now, put on that little blue sweatband around his head and put on red hair that defies gravity. Are you thoroughly scared now? Now, picture Brother and do the same thing. Disgusting, isn't it? Now, I'll continue with the chapter.  
  
"Kimahri does not like this," Kimahri stated, looking a little sick.  
  
"They look like Wakka!" gasped Lulu, "Or people trying to look like Wakka."  
  
Rikku had also turned away. "You see why I need your help?"  
  
"Why is there a jumping doll in front of them all?" asked Yuna.  
  
"That's the CURSED WAKKA DOLL that has converted all the Al Bhed on the airship. Isn't it horrible?"  
  
"The doll's a mini replica of Wakka," commented Auron, "it's so precise, right down to the last detail! But who could have made a doll like that?"  
  
"Maybe Wakka made it!" said Tidus, frowning slightly as he watched the doll. Everyone in the room stared at him, obviously waiting for him to elaborate. Which is what he did. He turned to everyone and began to speak.  
  
"Well, you see, remember how Wakka was a total Yevonite? Maybe he had a split personality after he discovered that Yevon was a total fake and that it was actually Yevon that was Sin. Maybe he had a personality that he always showed to us, the fun-loving idiotic one, but sometimes an evil Yevonite version would appear! And maybe that evil Yevonite version created this Wakka doll. That's my explanation."  
  
Everyone stared at Tidus as if he were a complete idiot. Then they burst out laughing. Even Auron and Kimahri.  
  
"That is the stupidest thing that I have ever heard!" cried Lulu, tears flowing from her eyes.  
  
Yuna nodded. "I have to agree Tidus. I mean, come on, a split personality?"  
  
Rikku was rolling on the floor laughing and could make no comment, seeing as how she was too busy laughing. Kimahri and Auron were doing their best not to laugh, but it was so hard! I mean, come on, what kind of explanation is that?! Tidus blushed in embarrassment and anger. He thought his explanation was perfectly all right!  
  
"HEY! I'd like to see you guys come up with something better!"  
  
"I'm sorry Tidus," said Yuna, moving over to him and giving him a little hug. "It's just that, your explanation sounds so ridiculous! Wakka didn't have a separate personality; one of us would have noticed."  
  
Tidus just pouted and turned away. Rikku, recovering from her earlier bout of hysteria, got up from the floor and put a serious expression on her face. "Well, what are we going to do about this situation? We can't just let this stupid Wakka doll convert everyone in Spira! Next thing you know, he's bringing Sin back!"  
  
Auron nodded. "She's right," he said, "we have to stop this doll."  
  
Kimahri nodded. Lulu frowned. "Well, how are we supposed to kill it then?"  
  
Tidus rolled his eyes. "It's DOLL for God's sake! What can it do to us?"  
  
"Doll could convert you into Yevonite," Kimahri said tonelessly.  
  
"We could always use magic on it," suggested Yuna.  
  
"True, but what effect would it have on the converted Al Bhed?"  
  
"I'm hungry!"  
  
"Shut up Tidus, we're busy contemplating how we're going to save the world!"  
  
"IT'S A DOLL!" screamed Tidus, opening the door, stepping on Idiot in the process, who woke up from his nap.  
  
"Fryd'c kuehk uh?" asked Idiot. (What's going on?)  
  
Tidus, however, was standing in front of the crowd of Al Bhed Yevonites. At first, they all stared at him. Then they continued to stare at him. The Wakka doll was first to speak.  
  
"You giving up, ya?"  
  
"No, I'm here to kill you, you stupid little doll!" shouted Tidus, raising Caladbolg.  
  
The Wakka doll reacted by throwing his blitzball. It hit Tidus right in the chest, knocking the wind out of him. He landed on his ass, blinking repeatedly. Everyone waited for his clothes to turn yellow, his hair to become red and defy gravity, and his sword to turn into a blitzball. Everyone watched, staring at Tidus. Tidus blinked one more time and got up. Then he said . . .  
  
"What the hell was that for, you stupid little doll?!" he shouted, going red in the face with anger, raising Caladbolg again. The Wakka doll stared up at him in surprise.  
  
"Why aren't you being converted, ya?" he asked, the confusion evident on his face and everyone else's.  
  
Tidus shrugged. Rikku snapped her fingers.  
  
"Idiot wasn't converted because he was too stupid to be converted! Maybe that's why Tidus . . ." she trailed off as she saw the murderous looks on Tidus and Yuna's faces. "Uh . . . you know what? Never mind."  
  
"That could be a possibility," said Lulu, stepping out to stand by Tidus. The Wakka doll hit her with his blitzball too, right in the head, messing her hair up a bit. Lulu blinked in surprise after the blitzball bounced off. Then her eyes changed from purple to red.  
  
"YOU SORRY PIECE OF *&$^!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" she screamed, clutching her hair. NO ONE messes with Lulu's hair. NO ONE. That's like sentencing yourself to death. You just don't mess with the hair.  
  
"Why aren't YOU being converted, ya?" asked the doll.  
  
Auron, Tidus, and Kimahri were restraining Lulu from pouncing on the doll and ripping him to shreds. Yuna looked at Rikku. "Neither Tidus nor Lulu are stupid so there must be another reason why they aren't being-" THWACK! Yuna was hit as well as Auron and Kimahri. Nothing happened. But Yuna was very angry.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU HIT ME WITH A BLITZBALL!" she screamed, her hair practically standing up with all the angry energy she was emitting. She strode forward, her Nirvana in her hand. Just as she was about to cast Firaga on everyone there, Tidus grabbed her and pushed her back into the cockpit room along with Lulu. Then he pushed Rikku out. Rikku was immediately bombarded by blitzballs. Tidus pulled her back. Then he pushed Idiot out. Idiot was bombarded by blitzballs. Tidus pulled him back. Tidus pushed Kimahri out. Kimahri was hit by one blitzball, then he roared, and no one tried to hit him again. Tidus pulled Kimahri back in. Just as Tidus was about to push Auron out, Auron raised a hand and shook his head. Knowing that Auron could cut him into tiny pieces with perfect precision, Tidus decided NOT to push him out.  
  
"Why aren't we turning into Yevonites?" asked Rikku, nursing some of her bruises and glaring at Tidus.  
  
Tidus opened his mouth, but immediately closed it as everyone glared at him, even Idiot! Idiot then opened his mouth and everyone glared at him. Auron opened his mouth and everyone looked at him waiting for an explanation.  
  
"Apparently, we are all unaffected by the doll. There is only ONE explanation."  
  
"What's that?" asked Yuna.  
  
"Somehow, when we defeated Sin and knew who he really was, we could no longer BE Yevonites. Since the others never experienced that, they could be converted," Auron said, closing his eyes. The others looked at each other and nodded. Rikku translated for Idiot.  
  
"But then, how does that explain why Idiot isn't converted?" asked Tidus.  
  
Auron just looked at him. "I'll go with Rikku's earlier statement; he wasn't converted because he was too stupid."  
  
"So what do we do now?" questioned Lulu, still irked because of her hair. "Hey Rikku, aren't there any mirrors here?" Rikku shook her head. Lulu cursed loudly.  
  
"Kimahri think that we should stab doll."  
  
"I agree with Kimahri!" said Tidus. Kimahri just glared at him.  
  
"But we don't know what would happen to the others if we destroyed the doll!"  
  
"Fru'c bemudehk dra yencreb?" asked Idiot. (Who's piloting the airship?)  
  
"What did he say?" asked Yuna.  
  
"He said, 'Who's piloting the airship?'" said Rikku.  
  
Everyone blinked. Who WAS piloting the airship? Rikku raced to the controls and looked over it. The airship was steady and no one was dying . . . and no one was there. Then she noticed a flashing blue light. She sighed.  
  
"Don't worry. It's on auto pilot."  
  
"Auto pilot? I didn't know this thing had auto pilot," remarked Tidus.  
  
"There's a lot you don't know," Lulu said. Tidus glared at her.  
  
"Kimahri tired. Kimahri want sleep."  
  
"We should rest a bit. Does anyone have food?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Where's Rin when you need him?"  
  
"He's out there, one of the converted."  
  
"DAMN!"  
  
"E's cmaabo." (I'm sleepy)  
  
"You just woke up from a huge nap!"  
  
And so they argued throughout the day, not noticing that they were heading toward Guadosalam. And there they would meet the person they'd least expect . . . Oh, and Seymour too.  
  
****END OF CHAPTER****  
  
A/N: I'm sorry if this didn't meet your expectations. But I hoped you enjoyed a little of it. 


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: Hallo. How are all of you? Good? That's good. I am updating sooner than usual. Why? Because I wanna get this fic done and over with. I'm taking a trip next month so . . .  
  
**Quote of the Day** (you know you love 'em) "Now is the time to choose." - Auron, FFX  
  
Disclaimer: I hold no possession over any Final Fantasy X characters or the places.  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Chapter 5  
They were all still arguing (except Kimahri, who was sleeping) and only stopped when the airship landed in Guadosalam.  
  
"What the . . ." trailed Tidus.  
  
Yuna ran to the window. "Hey! We're all in Guadosalam!" She turned to Rikku. "Is this where the auto pilot was programmed to go?"  
  
Rikku shuffled her feet. "Um . . . yeah."  
  
Auron made a small snorting sound. Kimahri woke up and gave a great big cat yawn. Lulu leaned against the door and bit her lip. Tidus shrugged.  
  
"Why don't we just go into Guadosalam? There's no Seymour. We're totally safe!" reasoned Tidus.  
  
They all stared at Tidus. He so rarely gave good advice. You all know how he is. He likes to rush into battle and so on. Tidus doesn't reason much. He likes to do "the right thing." But whatever. Everyone looked at each other, except for Idiot who was staring out the window and making faces at the Guados. Auron stepped forward.  
  
"We might as well go. We might find something useful in Guadosalam."  
  
Yuna nodded and Lulu moved away from the door. It opened and Yuna began hitting people with her Nirvana.  
  
"Ow, ya?"  
  
"That hurts, ya?"  
  
"Convert her, ya?"  
  
At that last phrase, Yuna glared. You know what they say; "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Well, sure she's not being scorned but she can hurt them pretty bad even without the Aeons. The Wakka doll gave a little battle cry and jumped at Yuna. Tidus intercepted him and ran off the airship. Yes, while Yuna was hitting the converts, everyone had gotten off the airship. Cursed doll in hand, Tidus pulled Yuna out of the airship and Rikku locked the converted Al Bhed in the airship.  
  
"Where's Idiot?" asked Lulu.  
  
Rikku turned around and shrugged. "He must've stayed on the ship."  
  
"Isn't he in danger?"  
  
"No, he wasn't converted the first few times he was hit with a blitzball."  
  
"Oh, I see."  
  
A little Guado kid walked up to them. "Are you the people who saved Spira and killed Maester Seymour?"  
  
Tidus crouched down to meet the little kid eye to eye. "Yes."  
  
He kicked Tidus and said, "Seymour was my cousin!"  
  
Wincing, Tidus hopped over to Yuna, still holding the doll. Auron shook his head. "Listen kid, if we didn't kill Seymour, he'd destroy ALL of Spira, including you."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Kimahri no like stupid Guado child," said Kimahri, towering over the Guado kid, baring his extra sharp and white teeth. No really, his teeth are really white! You didn't hear it from me, but I heard that he helped out both Crest and Colgate with their white strips and whitening gel. Shh!  
  
The Guado kid, who I shall now call Mini-Seymour, stared up at Kimahri. "I don't like you either. I'm glad Seymour killed a whole bunch of Ronsos."  
  
Kimahri's eyes flashed. Now everyone had to stop Kimahri from killing Mini-Seymour. Laughing, the kid ran off. After the others had decided that Kimahri had cooled down, he turned on them.  
  
"Why you not let Kimahri kill impudent Guado child?"  
  
"Because we can't have you killing a GUADO in GUADOSALAM. We'll get thrown in Guado prison!" said Tidus.  
  
"Tidus, you still have the doll in your hand," said Auron, pointing to the doll who was struggling fiercely in Tidus' hand. Everyone looked at the doll. Tidus grabbed its leg and held it upside down. Dangling from Tidus' hand, it waved its arms futilely.  
  
"Let me go, heathens!" it shouted, the cotton and cloth rushing to its head. "Let me go, ya?! I gotta save Spira from eternal damnation, ya?"  
  
"But Spira isn't damned," Rikku pointed out.  
  
"It is if there aren't any Yevonites, ya?"  
  
Lulu rolled her eyes and started to walk away from the group. Yuna, noticing this, called out, "Lulu, where are you going?" Lulu turned her head.  
  
"To the Farplane, where else?" she said, continuing to walk into Guadosalam.  
  
"Why would she wanna go to the Farplane again?" asked Rikku.  
  
Everyone looked at her as if she were stupid, even the doll.  
  
"Rikku, Wakka and his brother Chappu are dead, remember? This way, Lulu can see them," Yuna said gently. Rikku said a faint 'oh' and looked down at the ground. Tidus looked at the glum Yuna and the glum Rikku. They were both like little sisters to Wakka and they must have missed him. Auron recognized the smile that came to Tidus' face.  
  
'Oh no, he's come up with some stupid idea to cheer up Rikku and Yuna . . .' Auron thought, bracing himself for one of Tidus' plans.  
  
Smiling brightly, Tidus said, "Let's all go to the Farplane and see Wakka and Chappu!" Auron sighed. Kimahri maintained his stone face. The Wakka doll shouted, "YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO GAZE UPON ONE OF THE MOST DEVOTED YEVONITES IN YEVON'S HISTORY!"  
  
This little outburst caused the others to look at it. Realizing that he should have kept his big mouth shut, he said, "SHUT UP!"  
  
"Who's the most devoted Yevonites in Yevon's history?" Tidus mused. "Could it be . . . SEYMOUR?!"  
  
Auron pushed up his sunglasses so no one would see him roll his eyes. "No, the doll means Wakka."  
  
"Kimahri know Wakka was Yevonite, but Wakka no believe in Yevon at end," Kimahri said.  
  
"Who said that loser Wakka was the most devoted Yevonite, ya?" spat the doll.  
  
Yuna became confused. "But Chappu wasn't a big Yevonite; he joined the Crusaders, remember?"  
  
"Then the doll's gotta be talking about Wakka!" cried Rikku emphatically. Pointing an accusing finger at the doll she shouted, "Confess! Who're you talking about?!" The doll only bit her finger. Staring at her throbbing finger with tears in her eyes, Rikku said, "I don't think he'll talk . . ."  
  
Tidus shrugged and shook the doll for a little fun. "Why don't we just follow Lulu into the Farplane and see Wakka and Chappu, huh?"  
  
This was the most logical statement yet. Seeing as how they couldn't just let Lulu go by herself, they followed her. As they approached the Farplane, Yuna looked at Auron and Rikku.  
  
"Can you guys go in?" she asked quietly. Rikku gulped, but put on a brave front.  
  
"There are two things I'm afraid of: lightning and ghosts. But, I'll go into the Farplane," she said.  
  
Yuna now turned her attention to Auron. He merely nodded. Seeing as how Auron wasn't dead anymore, the Farplane wouldn't try and take him too. He was flesh and blood now! Yay! **Does peace sign**  
  
They entered the Farplane. Once again, Tidus stared at all the prettiness of the Farplane. The Farplane is really pretty. Sure, the pyreflies made it look less real, but hey, it still looked cool, right? They spotted Lulu in a corner, staring at Chappu. Yuna walked over to her.  
  
"Are you OK?" she asked. Lulu was frowning, as if there was something wrong. Yuna looked at Chappu and a smile came to her face.  
  
"Remember the time when we hid Wakka's blitzball? And then Wakka was frantic in looking for it and Chappu had hidden it in the Crusader's tent? Remember-"  
  
Lulu cut her off. "The Farplane won't show Wakka to me."  
  
Yuna stared at her. "How come?"  
  
Lulu shrugged. Just then . . .  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAH! IT'S SEYMOUR!"  
  
It was Seymour. Yes, that ugly, piece of . . . well you know. His freaky blue hair STILL didn't have a strand out of place. NOT A SINGLE STRAND! How is that possible?! How much gel does the guy use? HOW MUCH?!  
  
Seymour smiled that annoying smile of his. Smiles . . . I don't LIKE smiling people. Anyway, he extended a hand out to them. Everyone but Tidus drew their weapons. Why didn't Tidus draw his weapon? Well, it's because he's too busy with the doll.  
  
"Please, I'm not going to kill you," Seymour said. Everyone just stared at him.  
  
"How gullible do you think we are?" shouted Tidus.  
  
"Ah, the son of Jecht."  
  
"MY NAME IS TIDUS! T-I-D-U-S! TIDUS! GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, YOU STUPID GUADO!"  
  
"Half-Guado."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"How did you come back to life?" asked Auron.  
  
"You want the truth?"  
  
"Well yeah," Rikku said.  
  
"All right. After you and the son of Jecht-"  
  
"MY NAME IS TIDUS!"  
  
"Yes, Tidus. Anyway, after you and Tidus were resurrected, I just followed after you."  
  
"And no one knew this . . . why?"  
  
"Remember that little kid that kicked you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"That was me."  
  
Tidus stared at him. "NOOOOOOOOOOO! I let Seymour kick me!"  
  
The Wakka Doll was struggling now. "Let me go, ya?!" he bellowed. "My creator is here, ya?!"  
  
Yuna looked at the doll. "I thought you said Seymour wasn't the most devoted Yevonite in Yevon's history?"  
  
"That's because he's not, ya? I'm talking about--"  
  
"He's talking about me, ya?"  
  
Everyone turned around to meet-  
  
WAKKA!  
  
But it wasn't really Wakka. This Wakka had a smirk on his face. The Wakka I know doesn't smirk. Wakka grins. He doesn't smirk. So it's obvious that this is the evil, smart, Yevonite personality that is showing. His eyes glowed meanly. Tidus was the first to speak.  
  
"Wakka, when did you learn how to make a doll?"  
  
Everyone stopped where they were and pondered this question. Where did Wakka learn to make a doll? And where did he learn to make it look just like him? Hmm . . .  
  
The evil Wakka just shook his head. "It doesn't matter, ya? With my cursed doll, all of Spira will be saved, ya?"  
  
Rikku's face was all scrunched up as if she was thinking hard. "Wait a minute . . . how did Wakka come back to life?"  
  
The authoress has now decided the characters are asking too many questions. Hold please. The story will continue in a moment . . .  
  
Rikku blinked. "Did I just ask a question?" Everyone just shrugged.  
  
Seymour was angry. "Are you going to try to take over Spira?!" he asked Wakka. Wakka only nodded. "And you'll take over the world by making everyone Yevonites?" Evil Wakka nodded again. "Can I join you?" Evil Wakka raised an eyebrow.  
  
"OK," he said. Seymour walked over to him and they shook hands.  
  
"Hey! What about the Al Bhed that that stupid doll converted that are locked up on the airship?!"  
  
Evil Wakka looked at them. "We'll get them out."  
  
"But you can't use machina."  
  
"DAMN!"  
  
Seymour smiled. "He can't, but I can." Both smiling, they went skipping toward the airship. Our party just sweatdropped. Skipping? The doll was still being held upside down. "Let me go, ya?!" Shaking one more time for fun, Tidus and the others followed Wakka and Seymour.  
  
****END OF CHAPTER****  
  
A/N: If the Farplane became nonexistent after the defeat of Sin, OH WELL! 


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: Here's another chapter! LOVE ME! Actually, don't. Or do. Just drop a nice review. I can rhyme! It's a miracle! **Bows down to Sephiroth shrine** (Yes, I'm a Sephist.)  
  
Disclaimer: You know . . .  
  
**Quote of the Day** "Trapped. Like rats. In a Chia Pet®." - Frank the Pug, MIB II  
  
'thinking' "speaking" (Author cutting in)  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Wakka and Seymour were no longer skipping. Wakka got tired of that and told Seymour that if they didn't stop skipping one of them would die. So Seymour stopped skipping. They were now walking. But Seymour was thinking . . .  
  
"You said you'd take over Spira with the doll, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"But the others have the doll."  
  
Wakka stopped. Seymour stopped too. Now, you all remember Wakka's evil, right? Well, now his eyes, which were bright because he was smart, began to become dimmer. Seymour stared at him and poked him.  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
Wakka turned to Seymour. Blinking, he looked down at his blitzball. Then he looked back up at Seymour. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. Then he became angry, jumped away from Seymour, and went into his STUPID battle position. Seymour just stared.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?!" Seymour shouted.  
  
"You're supposed to be dead, ya?" Wakka shouted back then threw his blitzball with all his might at Seymour's face.  
  
POW! Down goes Seymour! His eyes went swirly. Then the authoress, deciding Seymour is not worthy of the Swirly-Eyed Technique (© to Rurouni Kenshin), changed his eyes to Xs. Sure, Xs usually mean death and Seymour isn't dead, but WHO CARES?!  
  
Wakka held his blitzball and glared down at his fallen enemy. Or is it ally? I'm confused. I think Wakka is too. Anyway, Wakka put his foot on Seymour's chest.  
  
"HA! I've beaten you Seymour!" he shouted to his unconscious foe/ally. Taking his foot OFF the Guado, he took a look around. He was in Guadosalam. Guadosalam? When the hell did he get here? Last thing he remembered was being in Zanarkand hurting like hell and telling the others to bury him in Luca. Or Besaid, it didn't really matter to him at the time.  
  
Wakka thought for a little while. 'I must be dead,' he thought, not knowing about his evil personality. 'Oh crap, if I'm dead, then I how am I here, ya? I must be a-a-a GHOST, ya!' Wakka's eyes widened at his little revelation. 'NO, ya!'  
  
Just then, Tidus, Yuna, Auron, Kimahri, Lulu, and Rikku were coming out of the Farplane. They were arguing. Except for Auron, who considers himself above that.  
  
"Should have let Kimahri kill stupid Guado child. Stupid Guado child dead, Seymour dead. Simple."  
  
"Hey Kimahri, how were we supposed to know Seymour was back? I mean, we did kill him like a year and a half ago!" Rikku said. "Even though we had to kill him four times."  
  
Wakka turned around at their voices. He looked sad, staring at his living friends. He walked up to Tidus and put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"You're a good buddy, ya?" he said, sniffling.  
  
Tidus looked at him. Wasn't Wakka supposed to be crazy and trying to take over the world by making everyone Yevonites? Shouldn't the Wakka be trying to kill him?  
  
"RELEASE ME, ya?! Master needs me, ya?" screamed the little doll.  
  
"Oh shut up. Wakka, what are you doing?" Tidus said, starting to back away from the gravity-defying red hair guy. Wakka's eyes grew wide.  
  
"YOU CAN SEE ME, YA?!"  
  
Yuna held back a laugh. "Yes, we can see you Wakka . . ."  
  
"An' we're not gonna let ya turn everyone in Spira into zombie Yevonites!" Rikku shouted, pointing a gloved finger at him. Wakka stared at her blankly.  
  
"What are you talking about, ya?" he said, scratching his head.  
  
Auron stepped forward. "You and Seymour just came out of the Farplane. You teamed up to take over the world, remember?"  
  
Wakka gave Auron a funny look. "I'm dead, ya."  
  
Lulu sighed in exasperation. "You are NOT dead Wakka. You are alive and you and Seymour are trying to take over the world!"  
  
"Oh. Well, if Seymour and I are partners, then how come I knocked him out, ya?"  
  
"You knocked out Seymour?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
Everyone went over and stared at the unconscious Seymour. Wakka smiled proudly and held up his blitzball. "I knocked him out, ALL by myself, ya?"  
  
Lulu's face scrunched up the tiniest bit to show that she was thinking. She looked at Wakka, then the doll, then Seymour. 'What was Tidus' theory about that stupid doll? Oh yes . . . the split personalities . . .'  
  
His eyes darting about, Kimahri poked Seymour with his spear. Making sure that no one was watching him, he poked Seymour again. Finding it was really FUN to poke Seymour with a sharp object, he continued to poke him. Twenty pokes later, Yuna noticed.  
  
"Kimahri, what are you doing?"  
  
"Kimahri is poking stupid Seymour."  
  
Yuna went to Kimahri's side and looked at the spot where Kimahri continuously poked Seymour. It was bleeding. A lot. It looked like Seymour was twitching from the poking. Now Yuna was faced with a hard decision. Should she stop Kimahri from poking Seymour or allow Kimahri to continue to poke Seymour, which would lead to his death? Well, she didn't LIKE Seymour. The sorry piece of a this-is-a-PG-fic-let's-keep-it-clean did force her to MARRY him after the guy was DEAD. That was disturbing. In her childhood, she never ONCE imagined she would marry a dead guy. And he did try to kill them . . . several times . . .  
  
"OK Kimahri, just don't poke him in one spot," Yuna said, patting Kimahri's furry blue arm (I WANNA KIMAHRI PLUSHIE! IT'S GOTTA BE REALLY FUZZY!) and walked away.  
  
But all the poking led to Seymour regaining consciousness. He opened his eyes and sat up. Kimahri stopped poking him, although he really wanted to shove his spear through the stupid Guado's face and laugh. That would be fun.  
  
Lulu was talking to everybody (except Kimahri because he was poking Seymour) and reminding them of Tidus' theory. Wakka scratched his head.  
  
"So I have an evil personality that's trying to take over the world?"  
  
"LEMME GO!" screamed the Wakka doll. Tidus, tired of the stupid doll, told it that if it didn't shut up he would cast Fire on it. The doll shut up.  
  
"Seymour is awake," Kimahri said, tapping Auron's shoulder.  
  
Seymour was standing now, and he was ANGRY. Instead of trying to attack and kill them all, Seymour ran in the other direction. At first everyone wondered why. Then Auron realized why Seymour was running the other way.  
  
"He's going to the zombie Yevonite Wakka-filled airship!" Auron shouted, running after Seymour, the others not far behind.  
  
"Does he know how to operate machina?!" cried Lulu.  
  
"Didn't you see Bevelle temple? There was machina all over the place! And Seymour was a maester," Auron replied, not slowing.  
  
"What's going on, ya? What's this about zombie Yevonite Wakka-filled airships, ya?" asked Wakka. No one bothered to answer. 'No one cares, ya?'  
  
Seymour had reached the airship. He looked at the control panel that had lots of buttons. If he pushed the right buttons, it would open. He stared at it for a little while . . .  
  
"There he is!"  
  
Scowling at the sound of Tidus' voice, Seymour curled his hand into a fist and slammed ALL the buttons. What he didn't know is that one must slam all the buttons to open the door. So the door opened. Seymour ran on board.  
  
The authoress and the co-author have decided to talk to you, the reader. Are you enjoying this fanfic? Does it suit part of you humor needs? Are you wondering how in the name of seven hells Seymour is running in that crappy outfit of his? Well, it is one of the great mysteries of our time. Oh, is there anyone you'd like to go crazy in this fanfic (Seymour and Wakka excluded)? And yes, there is Wakka bashing because we don't like Wakka very much. While he is a powerful character, he's annoying. Back to the fic.  
  
"He's on the airship!" Yuna cried.  
  
"HURRY!" screamed Rikku, newfound energy going through her and getting ahead of the rest of the others.  
  
Seymour kept running. He had to alert the zombie Yevonites! He had to!  
  
CRASH!  
  
Seymour ran straight into zombie-Brother. Brother stared at him. Seymour sighed.  
  
"You are a Yevonite, are you not?" Seymour asked Brother.  
  
"Yes. You must be converted . . ."  
  
THWACK!  
  
NEWEST YEVONITE: SEYMOUR GUADO  
  
***END OF THE CHAPTER***  
  
A/N: DONE!  
  
Choco: I can't believe you made Seymour a Yevonite!  
  
MoMo: Ah, well, I decided he was getting annoying.  
  
Choco: And **sniffs** I miss Morty . . .  
  
MoMo: GET OVER IT! Morty's gone! He couldn't stay! You can go visit him in Antarctica next week.  
  
Choco: **sniffs again** OK . . .  
  
MoMo: **points to readers** I BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO MAKE SEYMOUR A ZOMBIE YEVONITE WAKKA!  
  
Choco: What does a zombie Yevonite Wakka-like Seymour look like?  
  
**Both shudder as mental image forms in their minds** 


	8. Chapter 7

A/n: Estamos cansados. No queremos escribir. Lo siento. LOOKIE, LOOKIE I CAN SPEAK SPANISH! WOOP! Choco would like to say something . . . I would like to tell you all that I am grateful for ALL of your support and if we don't update it's because we don't have much access to computers because we're going to be in India. WHERE specifically, I'm not telling. MoMo, translate the Spanish . . . I said: We're tired. We don't want to write. I'm sorry.  
  
Disclaimer: This thing gets old.  
  
**Quote of the Day** "KENSHIN NO BAKA!" - Kamiya Kaoru, Rurouni Kenshin  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Lame Announcer Dude Without a Life: Last time on The Cursed Wakka Doll: Seymour was converted, Wakka returns, and the cursed Doll is still fighting to get out of Tidus' grip! What'll happen next?  
  
Rikku stayed behind as everyone entered the airship. As Kimahri jumped on, Rikku smashed the panel and shut the airship door. Ha ha! Now the converted cannot get out! Unless Seymour is stupid and lets them out. Which is not a good thing. But you knew that. You didn't? Maybe you're a distant relative of Idiot.  
  
Rikku ran to catch up with the others and stopped in shock. The others had stopped! 'NO!' was her immediate thought, 'THEY'RE CONVERTED!' But no one's converted. Then she saw the reason why they stopped. Rikku wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or throw up. Why would she want to do these things? Well . . .  
  
She had just seen the converted Seymour.  
  
It was sad. Seymour was in yellow! A yellow Besaid Auroch outfit. With red hair. No, not the usual hair dyed red. Wakka's hair. And sandals. And the stubble on his chin. And white teeth. In the words of Buena Girl (© to !Mucha Lucha!) "IT'S - NOT - RIGHT!" But there he is. Yellow and red. Like a freakin' clown.  
  
"Oh my gosh . . ." Yuna gasped.  
  
"That's weird, ya?" Wakka said, staring at Seymour. "Why the hell is he wearing copies of my clothes?"  
  
Tidus gave him a look while shaking the doll a bit. "Wakka, he's been converted into a zombie Yevonite you."  
  
Wakka took a minute to process this through his head. There was a little "KA-CHING" sound and Wakka tonelessly said, "Information processed. Please hold. Wakka will be with you in a second." He blinked a few times and said, "Then how did Seymour turn into a zombie Yevonite, ya?"  
  
Lulu pointed to the other converted Al Bhed. "See them Wakka? One of them probably converted Seymour."  
  
Kimahri shook his head. "But Seymour was with evil Wakka. Why zombie Yevonites turn him to Yevonite?"  
  
"They probably didn't know that Seymour was on their side," Auron explained.  
  
Rikku pulled on Auron's sleeve. "Hey, I don't like the way they're looking at us."  
  
Everyone looked at the mob of Yevonites. Convert Rin stepped forward.  
  
"Release the doll, ya?" he said.  
  
"NEVER!" screamed Rikku.  
  
Brother chimed in. "You must. Spira must be saved, ya?"  
  
Tidus shook his head. "No, no, no. We already SAVED Spira. You see we beat Sin-" Tidus was cut off as a blitzball hit his face. He fell to the floor unconscious.  
  
"Tidus!" Yuna cried, rushing to him.  
  
Seymour pointed a no longer pointy nailed finger at them. "You are bad."  
  
Kimahri shook his head again. "No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"NO!" Kimahri roared, rushing Seymour and plunging his spear into his chest. Seymour stared stupidly at the bleeding, gaping hole, turned back into his regular ugly self and died. Everyone stared at the body. Then . . .  
  
"That's not very nice, ya?"  
  
Rikku let out a strangled cough. Wakka was now holding her up in the air by the throat. Which is NOT nice. BAD WAKKA, BAD!  
  
Lulu's eyes widened. "Oh no . . . You're the EVIL Wakka aren't you?"  
  
"Ya."  
  
"Damn," Tidus said, recovering from his knockout. "What did I miss?"  
  
"Oh nothing much. Seymour dying, Wakka turning into his evil self, you know, that sort of stuff," Yuna said, helping him up.  
  
"Really? That's interesting."  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
Auron gestured to Wakka holding Rikku in the air by her throat. Rikku scratched at Wakka's big, clumsy hands. EVIL WAKKA only laughed.  
  
"You can't do much damage to me, ya," he said, lifting her higher.  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Ya."  
  
"Well get a load of this!" Rikku reached into her pockets and pulled out some fine, white, Besaid sand (patent pending) and threw it into Wakka's eyes. He let go over he immediately, clutching his eyes.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAH! MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES, YA?!"  
  
Lulu snorted. "Beautiful eyes?"  
  
The Wakka Doll cried, "Master! I'll save you!"  
  
Tidus lifted it up and looked it in the eye. "You know, maybe we should shred you. I mean, it's not like it would be much of a loss . . ."  
  
All of a sudden the airship lifted off and began to fly. The converted shouted and cried, "OH NO! WE'RE IN A MACHINA SHIP! YEVON SAVE US, YA?! WE'LL REPENT! SAVE US!" Or something like that.  
  
Rikku gave a gasp. "Oh no! Idiot must have activated the ship!" Everyone rushed into the cockpit, excluding the Yevonites, who were screaming about them sinning. Rikku cornered Idiot and grabbed his shirt.  
  
"UG, Idiot," Rikku said, "Damm sa fryd oui tet, yht syopa fa lyh vew drec." (OK, Idiot. Tell me what you did, and maybe we can fix this.)  
  
Idiot shrugged. "E tur'd ghuf fryd E tet. Fro tu oui drehk drao lymm sa yh eteud?" (I don't know what I did. Why do you think they call me an idiot?)  
  
Rikku let go in shock. "Fryd?! Oui ghuf fryd drao cyo ypuid oui?!" (What?! You know what they say about you?!)  
  
Idiot blinked. "Fryd ted oui cyo?" (What did you say?)  
  
Rikku shook her head. "Vunkad ed." Turning to the others she said, "Idiot doesn't know anything, sorry." (Forget it)  
  
Auron sighed. "Why don't you just look at the panel and figure out what he did?"  
  
Rikku looked at the panel. She stood in front of it for a little while. The airship wasn't really moving. Just kinda floating. The others waited for her to do something. She pressed a button. They moved exactly 1.7 meters forward and then stopped. Rikku stared at the panel.  
  
"Uh, Rikku? Making this thing move would be helpful right about now," Tidus said.  
  
WHAT WAS THE DAMN SHOW CALLED?! WHAT?! Oh sorry, random thing.  
  
Rikku gave a small, worried laugh. "Well, you see," she began, "I don't know how to stop this . . . Only my Pops knows how to fully manage it, I think."  
  
Everyone gave her death glares, except for Idiot who was making faces at the birds, while hearing the converts scream, "I'M SINNING, I'M SINNING!"  
  
Then, because if we don't do something to make this funnier, hell broke loose and Ifrit shot out. Look, there he goes bright flaming death in the sky! But that's not it. Hell decided to close again, grabbed Ifrit and was never seen again. Well, it is, but only to dead people.  
  
Tidus looked out the BIG window to see a shooting Ifrit go across the sky. "Hey, look!" he called, "There's a flying Ifrit!"  
  
Yuna patted him on the shoulder. "Of course there is."  
  
"But there aren't anymore aeons because the fayth are all dead," Lulu pointed out.  
  
"I know I saw a flying Ifrit."  
  
Auron and Kimahri went over to Rikku to try and help her out. But by now, Rikku was so confused by the flashing buttons, she was murmuring to herself. While Auron and Kimahri pointed to buttons and asked or told her something she didn't hear them.  
  
"Mmmm . . . I . . . mrmmm . . ." Rikku murmured.  
  
"What?" Auron asked.  
  
The airship was going up. Slowly, but steadily, it was going up. Idiot blushed.  
  
"Cunno. E teth'd sayh du bicr dra pidduh." (Sorry. I didn't mean to push the button.)  
  
Kimahri went over to Idiot and looked at the bright blue button Idiot's elbow had hit. Kimahri wondered, 'Who would make button bright blue?' and then decided to push the button again. So he pushed the button and the airship stopped going up. But since they had gone up, there was a lack of oxygen. And due to this lack of oxygen EVERYBODY go nuts. Yes, even Auron go nuts. But not Idiot because he's an idiot.  
  
"Is it just me, or is the room spinning?" Tidus asked, sitting down on the ground.  
  
And while the others go insane, Wakka switches between his good and evil personality, talking to himself. And the converts scream and run around. And the Cursed Wakka Doll has discovered that if someone sits on you, you can suffocate.  
  
****UNTIL NEXT TIME FOLKS**** 


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: Check it out, we're back. I mean, it only took us like, what, two, three, four months? I'm really sorry, but I didn't have any inspiration and Choco doesn't write it was just his idea so I had to give him credit.  
  
**Quote of the Day** "There's no place like home." - Dorothy Gale, The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum  
  
Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, claim to own the characters, objects, scenes, and storyline of the Squaresoft video game Final Fantasy X.  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: by MoMo-ChAn and Choco  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Now, where were we? Oh yes, that's right, everyone was going insane.  
  
"Too many buttons," muttered Rikku. "Too many Wakkas."  
  
Auron was feeling odd. He didn't like that. He never feels odd. It's just not his thing. Auron does not feel odd. Lulu was feeling odd as well. They both stared oddly at Wakka, who was crouching in a corner and oddly talking to himself.  
  
"I'm not a Yevonite."  
  
"I am a Yevonite."  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
They found this odd exchange oddly funny. Then Wakka got up. He walked out the door. Lulu and Auron followed him. You know where you get on that platform thingy to get to the top of the airship? They went there. They also went on the platform thingy. Cheesy Al Bhed music played and evil Wakka would cringe then Wakka would smile and tap his foot. It was very odd indeed. When they got to the top, Wakka crouched down and started talking to himself again. Oddly enough, Lulu and Auron had a blitzball.  
  
"Where did this blitzball come from?" Lulu asked.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Why don't you know?"  
  
"Simple," said Auron, as if stating the obvious, "I'm not in control of this fanfic."  
  
"Oh yeah. Look at Wakka, talking to himself. Sad, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah. Let's kick this blitzball at his head."  
  
"OK."  
  
Now how Lulu would manage to kick a blitzball in THAT dress, I don't know. But how can she run? Or keep those boobs of hers in? I mean, come on! Well, she does kick the blitzball. The blitzball flies across and knocks Wakka on the head. It rolls back and stops at Auron's feet.  
  
"Was that fun?" Auron asked.  
  
"Yeah. You should try it."  
  
Auron kicked the blitzball! It hit Wakka's head too.  
  
"What was that?" said Evil Wakka.  
  
"I don't know," said Stupid Wakka.  
  
"Of course you don't, you're not a Yevonite," said Evil Wakka.  
  
"What's with you and Yevon?!" yelled Stupid Wakka.  
  
"Yevon is GOD!" screamed Evil Wakka.  
  
"NO HE'S NOT!" yelled Stupid Wakka.  
  
Auron and Lulu proceeded to kick Wakka in the head with the blitzball. As the blitzball hit him, he would change personalities.  
  
"You're right, this is fun," said Auron.  
  
"I told you it was."  
  
"STOP WITH THAT STUPID BLITZBALL!" yelled Evil Wakka.  
  
"YEAH!" agreed Stupid Wakka.  
  
Of course, no one listens to Wakka and Lulu and Auron kept kicking the blitzball. And Wakka had his weird exchange between his personalities. Now for Tidus and Yuna.  
  
Tidus and Yuna were hungry. Actually, Tidus was hungry and Yuna was thirsty. The Cursed Wakka Doll had passed out, with Tidus sitting on him and all.  
  
"I need FOOD," Tidus said to Yuna.  
  
"I'm thirsty," Yuna replied.  
  
" . . . Please get off me," said the muffled voice of the doll that had been revived.  
  
"Oh, sorry," said Tidus, removing him and tying him up with spare twine in his pocket. He set the doll down and stood up. Yuna got up too.  
  
"You think . . .," said Tidus.  
  
"Maybe . . .," answered Yuna. They both left and went on top of the airship where Lulu, Auron, and Wakka are. Miraculously, a picnic sheet was laid out on the top, about three meters away from the other three. Walking over to the picnic sheet, the couple sat down. Miraculously (this word will pop up several times), A BIG BOWL OF NOODLES APPEARED! And, also miraculously, a pot of tea and two teacups appeared. They stared as the food miraculously appeared in front of them. And pleasantly designed bowls with chopsticks miraculously appeared, along with sugar and cream.  
  
"Noodles," Tidus said dumbly.  
  
"And tea."  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"I'm thirsty."  
  
"Think we can eat this?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Yuna poured tea and Tidus served the noodles.  
  
"Food."  
  
"Tea."  
  
"Yum."  
  
"Please Tidus, use a more sophisticated vocabulary."  
  
"THAT would be miraculous."  
  
So Yuna drank tea and Tidus slurped his noodles. Miraculously, neither of them seemed to die due to the lack of air. IT'S A FREAKING MIRACLE!  
  
***MEANWHILE***  
  
Meanwhile, Rikku and Kimahri were alone in the cockpit. Well, not really alone because Idiot was there. So was the Cursed Wakka Doll who really is playing no big part anymore. Angry at the loss of his big part, the Cursed Wakka Doll swore to get his revenge on Wakka, who had stolen the spotlight from him. Idiot, who had been rather bored and armed with a short memory span (the only items in his long term memory were how to breathe, eat, sleep, and speak; he didn't even remember his name or his family), idiotically untied the Cursed Wakka Doll. Freed from the twine, the Cursed Wakka Doll took out his mini blitzball and ran at the door. He hit it with a soft "whumph" and fell on his back. Jumping back up, he attacked the door again. The door would not open.  
  
"TOO MANY BUTTONS!" screamed Rikku, clutching her head. "TOO MANY!"  
  
Kimahri watched her with silent happiness. Rikku had constantly annoyed him and now she would go crazy. Kimahri, being a Ronso, was not so easily susceptible to craziness. It would take a LOT to make a Ronso crazy. And because Kimahri wasn't crazy, Kimahri was bored. He was very bored.  
  
"Kimahri very bored," Kimahri said. He looked at Rikku and a corner of his mouth twitched. Rikku was crazy. She was freaking out and screaming about how many Wakkas and buttons there were. Kimahri thought this was very funny. Now how to use this to his advantage? Kimahri left the room. The Cursed Wakka Doll saw this and ran out the door as the door opened to let Kimahri through. Idiot giggled as he watched the doll run between the blue Ronso's legs. Rikku, hearing the giggle, assumed it was an evil laugh and punched Idiot in the face, causing him to lose consciousness and to fall on the floor like a sack of potatoes.  
  
In the meanwhile, Kimahri was looking for Rin. Rin has everything. Rin has answers to all of life's questions. Rin is Final Fantasy X's God. At the present moment, the converts were screaming about how they were sinning and kept jumping so as to not to touch the airship too long. Kimahri found Rin sitting in a corner, muttering something about sales. Rin, being God in the FFX world, had scrapped up his memories and wasn't much of a Yevonite any more. Kimahri tapped Rin's shoulder. Rin looked up and his eyes brightened.  
  
"A customer?!" he said excitedly. He stood up, snapped his fingers, clapped his hands, clicked his heels, and blinked TWICE! That's right, twice. Not once, not thrice, twice. A stall appeared in front of him and several objects behind him.  
  
"Welcome to Rin's!" he exclaimed, "What can I do for you?"  
  
"Kimahri want red wig like Wakka's hair."  
  
Rin looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "A wig? Why would you want that?"  
  
"To scare Rikku."  
  
Rin looked suspiciously at Kimahri, then shrugged. "Well, I was saving this for Halloween; weird thing that Tidus kid introduced; but here you go." He handed the red wig to Kimahri, who paid 1,000 gil for it.  
  
"Why pay so much?"  
  
"Because I'm letting you have it ahead of time."  
  
Kimahri shrugged and took the wig and himself back to the cockpit.  
  
***WITH THE CURSED WAKKA DOLL***  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll was also looking for Rin. Using his blitzball so that he wouldn't have to touch the ground, he rolled between the jumping converts. He found Rin behind his stall reading a copy of "How to Double Your Gil in Four Days!" Rolling over to the Al Bhed salesman, he spat on the ground and said, "Are you a Yevonite?"  
  
Rin, remembering the unspeakable horrors of being a zombie Yevonite Wakka, nodded and said, "Ya." If anything, Rin was not stupid. The Cursed Wakka Doll looked at him suspiciously.  
  
"Well, I want something to kill Wakka, ya?"  
  
Rin looked up and mentally went through his inventory. Looking back down on our lovely cursed doll, he said, "We sold all our killing items your size to Itchy, ya."  
  
CWD (Cursed Wakka Doll) frowned. "Who's Itchy, ya?"  
  
Rin shrugged. "A blue mouse, ya? Kills the same black cat everyday, ya. Needed some new items, ya."  
  
"He didn't need that much, ya?"  
  
"He took it all, ya."  
  
CWD cursed and pouted. "What else you got?"  
  
"Nothing that you can carry."  
  
"DAMN!"  
  
"We do have a special on a potion that makes your face blue."  
  
Now turning Wakka's face blue wouldn't be AS satisfying, but at least it's something. Deciding that something was better than nothing was, and he could always wait for Rin to restock on his supplies.  
  
"How much?"  
  
"200 gil."  
  
"I want it for less, ya."  
  
"It's original price is 30,000 gil, ya."  
  
CWD's brow furrowed and he shrugged. "Fine." Paying Rin the cash, (Where he gets the money I have NO idea) he grabbed the concoction and rolled off to the platform thingy-ma-jigger and went to the top of the airship to throw it at Wakka's face. Giggling delightedly (don't ask) as the platform thingy-ma-jigger went UP, he gazed at the red potion within the crystalline bottle with a winged cap. He could see why it could cost 30,000 gil. It was very pretty. As the platform thingy-ma-jigger came to a stop, the CWD was completely entranced by the red potion in the crystalline bottle with the winged cap. As to what happens after, well, you'll just have to wait another four months, won't ya?  
  
***TO BE CONTINUED***  
  
A/N: Really, it won't be another four months. And Itchy, if you didn't know already, is from The Simpsons and is property of Matt Groening and whoever else owns him. 


	10. Chapter 9

A/N: Hello again. THANK YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS!! I LUV YOU ALL!!!  
  
**Quote of the Day** "Don't touch the staff. And don't forget to wash your hands before you come to dinner." - Cimorene, Talking to Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you know the drill.  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: written by MoMo-ChAn and idea by Choco  
  
Chapter 9  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll just sort of sat, staring at the pretty liquid in the pretty crystalline bottle with the pretty winged top. Pretty. He didn't know why the pretty red potion made him feel so pretty. Pretty was a pretty word. He was ignorant to the "WHACK!" that was the blitzball hurtling at Wakka's head. He was ignorant to the slurping that was Tidus and Yuna drinking tea and eating noodles. He was just sort of there. The Cursed Wakka Doll was in a trance.  
  
Kimahri was not. Kimahri seemed smarter. Maybe it was too much air that made Kimahri and other Ronsos illiterate fools. Hey, you show me a Ronso who can read and write and I'll change this. Kimahri walked BACK to the control room and found Rikku mercilessly pounding an unconscious Al Bhed convert who had, somehow, gotten in there.  
  
"WAKKA!" she screamed, pounding away, "NO MORE WAKKA!"  
  
Kimahri smiled contentedly. No, not that freaky smile that he showed to Tidus in Djose, but a rather feral grin, like the grin of a wolf when he has caught his prey. Putting on the wig, which made him look absolutely ridiculous, he tapped Rikku's shoulder. Rikku looked up and screamed.  
  
Just think about it for a sec. Kimahri is a bipedal splice between a feral cat and a human who decided to dye his fur blue and white and wear funny clothes. Then he decides to put on a Wakka wig and scare an Al Bhed girl who has been driven crazy by lack of oxygen. This Al Bhed girl has developed a fear of Wakka and buttons. Everything is distorted for her.  
  
Cruel Kimahri makes his eyes go glossy and says, "Ya," tonelessly.  
  
That was it. Rikku snapped.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Rikku screamed, thwacking Kimahri with her God Hand and running out of there. "WAKKA!! WAKKA KIMAHRI!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD PEOPLE!!"  
  
The Al Bhed converts heard this. Now Yevonites + End of the World shout = Not Good. They stopped for a minute and looked at each other. Then it finally registered in their minds. CHA-CHING!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! END OF THE WORLD, YA?!" they shouted, running around and knocking into each other and throwing their blitzballs at each other and jumping up and down so as to prevent touching the airship. "MACHINA!"  
  
Sorry people. I gotta go look up Gandhi for my mother. Hold on.  
  
Ah yes. "SAVE US YEVON!" screamed the Al Bhed Yevonites. Rikku punched and pushed them out of the way, yelling, "TIDUS! YUNIE! LULU! AURON! KIMAHRI'S A ZOMBIE YEVONITE WAKKA!!!!!!" Rikku ran crazily to the platform thingy and went up. Going over to Auron (because he's the responsible one) and yelled in his ear, "KIMAHRI'SAYEVONITEYOUGOTTADOSOMETHINGI'MSCAREDDOSOMETHINGALREADY!!!!!!!" (Kimahri's a Yevonite, you gotta do something, I'm scared, do something already!!!!!!!) Auron did not like being yelled at.  
  
"Enough," Auron said, hitting Rikku soundly on the head. "I'm kicking a blitzball at Wakka's head and it's oddly amusing."  
  
"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BUTTONS?!"  
  
"What about the buttons?" Lulu growled, as her kicked narrowly hit Wakka and careened toward Auron.  
  
"THE BUTTONS!!!"  
  
"Go talk to Tidus and Yuna," Auron said, kicking the blitzball hard.  
  
"Ya!" said Stupid Wakka.  
  
THWACK!  
  
"YOU HEATHEN!" cried Evil Wakka.  
  
Rikku ran to Tidus and Yuna and accidentally stepped on the CWD, which was walking as if he were drunk because of the pretty red potion. And because he was stepped on, he lost his hold of the pretty red potion.  
  
In actuality, the pretty red potion was supposed to eradicate the Evil Wakka. Rin, being God, had determined that if the person who was the original curse caster was destroyed, everything was to be back to normal. What it would do as the pretty crystalline bottle crashed on the metal of the airship, we don't know.  
  
CRASH!  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the Cursed Wakka Doll, his smushed little hand extended toward the remnants of the bottle with the winged cap and the red potion. "WHY YEVON, WHY?!"  
  
Rikku tried to regain her breath as Tidus and Yuna sipped and slurped their food and drink. They both turned to her, their own eyes glossy.  
  
"Yes Rikku?" Yuna asked sleepily.  
  
"KIMAHRI'S A YEVONITE!" she hollered.  
  
"That's nice," said Tidus, getting hit in the face with a wet noodle that he had slurped. "But we are eating and drinking these noodles and tea which had miraculously appeared in front of us."  
  
"BUT KIMAHRI'S A YEVONITE!"  
  
"DIE, YA?!" came the war cry of the CWD as he attached himself to Rikku's left leg. He then proceeded to bite her. Screaming, Rikku hopped around on her right leg and shook her left one. Not watching where she was going, she slipped on the red potion and then fell on the platform thingy, which took her back down.  
  
"THAT HURT!" Rikku bellowed, taking a swing at the CWD on her knees.  
  
"GOOD, YA?!" the CWD hollered right back, dodging her swing and lunging at her arm so as to take in another bite of her flesh. Too bad he never got the chance. Rikku had anticipated his move and grabbed him in midair. Cackling crazily, she got up, used a potion on her damaged leg, and sprinted for the kitchen. She was gonna have some fun!  
  
Kimahri had healed from Rikku's attack and was laughing with Rin. "So stupid Rikku scream like this," he said, and imitated Rikku's girlish scream as well as he could with his deep Ronso voice, "and ran to stupid Tidus! Kimahri have much fun."  
  
Rin only nodded. "Yes, and where is Tidus?"  
  
"On top of airship."  
  
Rin's eyes grew wide. "WHAT?! Oh no, the Cursed Wakka Doll's going there to eradicate the Evil Wakka and un-convert everyone!! OH CRUDDY CHEESE!" He got up, took another red potion in a crystalline bottle with the winged top, and sprinted across to the platform in order to un-convert the good Al Bhed, leaving our blue Ronso alone.  
  
Kimahri wasn't happy with that. So he did what any sane Ronso would do. He scavenged the airship for a table, a few chairs, a deck of cards, and some poker chips. Then he set traps for a few of the Al Bhed Yevonites. After a few seconds, Kimahri had enough Yevonites and sat them down on the chairs, firmly informing them that they were NOT made by Al Bhed and were in no way machina. Happy that they were not breaking the Yevon law, they sat down and carefully made sure that their feet did not touch the floor.  
  
Kimahri began speaking poker gibberish. I don't know poker gibberish so if you know what poker gibberish sounds like I will be more than happy to write down EXACTLY what poker gibberish Kimahri-chan says. Kimahri, being smart and the others being dumb, cheated. He ALWAYS got winning hands. Royal flushes, full houses, two pair, and so on. Eventually the Al Bhed Yevonites started to catch on. They KNEW something was wrong but they didn't know what it was. So they continued to play, but managed to foil our cheating Ronso without knowing it. So Kimahri growled and went to kitchens to make popcorn.  
  
I'm tired of Kimahri, Rikku, and Rin. I'm going to Auron and Lulu.  
  
Auron was getting bored. Kicking Wakka in the head with the blitzball wasn't fun anymore. He kicked once more for good measure, then cast Sleep on Wakka, so he wouldn't move or anything. Lulu pouted.  
  
"What did you do that for?" she asked. Lulu was having fun hurting Wakka. Sure he had grown up with her, sure he would have become her brother- in-law if Chappu hadn't died, sure he was her friend and they had gone through many hardships together, sure he had died, but fun is fun and that's all that really matters, isn't it?  
  
"I'm tired of kicking Wakka; there is no point to it."  
  
"So? It's still fun."  
  
Auron frowned. "No it's not. Besides, the red bubbly stuff looks dangerous."  
  
Lulu just realized that there was red bubbly stuff on the top of the airship. That was QUEER. Lulu CAREFULLY walked over to it. Slowly, she crouched down, making sure nothing touched the red bubbly stuff.  
  
If you haven't figured out that the red bubbly stuff is what remains of the red potion in the crystalline bottle with the winged cap then you're pretty stupid.  
  
Auron too stepped toward the red bubbly stuff. Suspense rose as the stuff spread out and grew even MORE bubbly! Then Wakka snored and ruined everything. Cursing Wakka, Lulu got up and kicked him in the head. She waited a little while to see if he had gotten up, but, thankfully, he hadn't. So Lulu went BACK to the bubbly stuff.  
  
Tidus and Yuna put down their noodle bowls and teacups. Tidus gave an ungentlemanly belch. Yuna frowned at him.  
  
"You should say excuse me," she said pointedly.  
  
"Why?" Tidus replied innocently.  
  
"Because you belched a hideous belch and you should say excuse me. That's what we call etiquette, Tidus."  
  
Tidus merely stuck his tongue out at her and lay down. "There are a lot of clouds up here. LOOK! That one looks like Bahamut!"  
  
Actually, the cloud Tidus was pointing at looked more like a deformed potato. Yuna laughed and pointed to another cloud. "And that one looks like a blitzball!"  
  
Tidus gave her a reproving look. "Yuna," he said gently, "ANY round cloud can look like a blitzball. Have more imagination, love."  
  
Whoa, that's a new one.  
  
Yuna's eyes hunted the sky. She wanted a pretty cloud, one that looked amazing. She gasped in alarm at the next cloud she saw. "Oh my gosh, Tidus, LOOK AT THAT!"  
  
It was a cloud that looked like Seymour's head.  
  
"DAMMIT!" yelled Tidus. "WHY CAN'T THAT STUPID GUADO JUST LEAVE US IN PEACE? I SWEAR, IF HE COMES BACK TO LIFE AGAIN, I'M NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY AT ALL!"  
  
Yuna didn't like the yelling so she knocked him unconscious with a well aimed smack from her Nirvana. Not caring if she had caused Tidus permanent brain damage, she gazed at the Seymour cloud. It stayed there. It didn't move. It didn't merge with any clouds. And it looked more and more and more like Seymour as the seconds ticked by. Getting angry at the stupid Guado that had already been dead and made her MARRY HIM in those UGLY clothes of his, she prayed for her aim to be true. Holding out a hand, she said, "Thundara," and rendered the cloud into little pieces of fluff. She smiled and decided to take a nap.  
  
****TO OUR BELOVED IDIOT-SAMA****  
  
Idiot woke up. Idiot was confused. Idiot didn't know why his nose hurt so much. Idiot didn't know what happened to pretty Rikku. Idiot didn't understand why there was an unconscious and brutally beaten Al Bhed Yevonite Wakka. Idiot only wanted to see Rikku. Idiot liked Rikku. Rikku was nice. Then Idiot frowned. Rikku had hit Idiot in the face. Idiot had definitely NOT liked that.  
  
"E vunkeja oui Rikku!" he called. "Ed'c ugyo dryd oui red sa! E cdemm muja oui!" (I forgive you Rikku! It's okay that you hit me! I still love you!) Leaping up from the spot where he had been lying, he ran out the door. Or tried to run out the door. He rammed into the door and knocked himself unconscious. Poor Idiot.  
  
******TO BE CONTINUED?******  
  
A/n: YES IT WILL LIVE ON! IT WILL BE CONTINUED!! AND I WANT MORE REVIEWS!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! 


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: I GOT MAGIC KNIGHT RAYEARTH! WOO HOO! Hey, minna, if you haven't beaten the game yet, well then this is gonna spoil stuff for ya!  
  
**Quote of the Day** "Akira this apple pie tastes rather . . . unique." - Imonoyama Nokorou, CLAMP School Detectives by CLAMP  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X. You probably already knew that . . .  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: by MoMo-ChAn  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Hmm . . . let's see, why don't we start with Kimahri? Yes, Kimahri's always good . . .  
  
Kimahri wanted popcorn. Kimahri went to the kitchen. Kimarhi dreamed of kettlecorn. Kimahri love kettlecorn. But unfortunately for Kimahri, Rikku was in the kitchen as well. Rikku, having gone stark raving mad, had tied the CWD to a cutting board with spare twine. Where did she get the twine? I don't know.  
  
"Now you're gonna die," giggled Rikku, picking out a knife.  
  
"You don't want to do this, ya?" the CWD said frantically, "If you kill me, bad stuff will happen, ya?"  
  
"I don't care, Wakka die, you die, EVERYBODY DIE!" cackled Rikku, brandishing the knife crazily.  
  
"Please don't do this, I'm begging you, ya!"  
  
"What Rikku doing?"  
  
Rikku stopped brandishing the knife and looked at our favorite blue Ronso. "I'm gonna kill the doll, that's what I'm doing. An' then I'm gonna kill you, you Wakka-like Yevonite Kimahri!"  
  
"Kimahri not Yevonite. Kimahri play poker with stupid Al Bhed converts."  
  
"AHA!" yelled Rikku. "Fraternizing with the enemy, eh?!"  
  
Kimahri was sick of Rikku. Rikku was being very annoying. Kimahri got mad. Kimahri took out his spear and knocked the knife out of Rikku's hand, causing Rikku to holler in pain and grab her injured hand.  
  
"Stop being stupid."  
  
Rikku stuck her tongue out at him. "What do you know? I thought you told me to be me in Macalania, you stupid evil Wakka-like Yevonite Kimahri!"  
  
Kimahri roared, causing Rikku to run and cower in a corner. "KIMAHRI IS NOT YEVONITE! KIMAHRI IS KIMAHRI!"  
  
"But the hair . . ."  
  
"That was wig, stupid Al Bhed girl."  
  
Rikku's eyes widened. "A wig?"  
  
"HE SAID IT WAS A WIG! NOW UNTIE ME, YA?!"  
  
Rikku stared at the CWD, lying helpless on the cutting board, bound to the rectangular piece of wood with spare twine. Kimahri, however, was sick of all of it and looked through the cupboards to find the popcorn he wanted. Kimahri searched and searched and searched, but could only find cheese popcorn, caramel popcorn, and butter popcorn. Roaring in dismay, Kimahri stomped out of the room, making a mental note to find kettlecorn once all the craziness was done and over with.  
  
*****TO THE RED BUBBLY STUFF*****  
  
"It's spreading."  
  
Auron's flat statement only made the obvious seem more real. Yes, the red bubbly stuff was spreading and it didn't look nice.  
  
"What should we do?" asked Lulu, looking for guidance in the elder guardian.  
  
Auron looked at Lulu as if she were Wakka. "Lulu," he said patiently, "do YOU think that I've ever been around red bubbly stuff?"  
  
"You've been to a dream Zanarkand."  
  
"That doesn't mean anything."  
  
"Still."  
  
Auron just looked at her. You know the look. It's THE LOOK. OK, OK, I don't know what I'm talking about, but everyone has a look! They don't? Well Auron does, so shut up! Anyway, Auron continued to stare at Lulu until she squirmed under his gaze. She looked at the red bubbly stuff. It was taking shape. A human shape. Both Lulu and Auron backed off. The red bubbly stuff turned into a dark tan person with shoulder length dreadlocks and had clothes very much like . . .  
  
"JECHT?!" shouted Auron in surprise, his voice so colossal that it woke Tidus. Jecht was looking around.  
  
"What the hell? Braska? Where are you?" Jecht then noticed Auron and Lulu. "Auron? What happened here? And weren't you with my crybaby of a son?"  
  
"I AM NOT A CRYBABY!"  
  
Jecht replied with: "Then how come you cried when you told me you hated me?"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Tidus roared back, grabbing Yuna's wrist and dragging her along through the air because he was running too fast. He came to a screeching halt and Yuna was thrown against Lulu, who caught her and nearly fell over. "How the hell did you come back to life? I thought we left you behind in the Farplane, like you wanted!"  
  
Jecht shrugged. "I dunno. There was this red sucking vortex in the Farplane and I just kinda got stuck in it." Jecht noticed Yuna. "Hey. Your dad's doing fine. But the (this is a PG fic) won't get rid of those damn freakish clothes of his!"  
  
Tidus snorted. "As if your clothes were any better."  
  
"You wanna make something of it, crybaby?"  
  
"You're all washed up, old man."  
  
Jecht and Tidus glared at each other. Yuna righted herself, shaking her head in order to get everything back in place. "Wait, wait, wait. Didn't you guys get along in the Farplane?"  
  
Auron stared at her incredulously. "Are you insane? These two fought and challenged each other so much even I had to tell them to 'shut the hell up before I make you sorry you're dead.' And I don't say things like that."  
  
Lulu nodded. "That's right, he doesn't."  
  
All of them heard a bubble pop. (If any of you know anything about anime, then you'd know what I'm talking about.)  
  
"So, you thought you could destroy me, ya?" Evil Wakka said, grinning malevolently.  
  
Jecht raised an eyebrow and jutted a thumb at the Evil Wakka. "What's the freak's problem? Didn't earn enough money to get a better haircut?"  
  
Evil Wakka glowered. "I'll have you know that this is a GOOD hairstyle, ya!"  
  
Jecht kept looking at him. "Hey, you look familiar. Weren't you in the Farplane?"  
  
Evil Wakka nodded. "Yes. But I got out. How's Chappu?"  
  
"Wishing he weren't dead 'cause he wants to know how his girl turned out."  
  
Lulu blushed a marvelous shade of red that didn't complement her dress at all. Evil Wakka frowned. "That reminds me, ya? Chappu became a Crusader. He's no Yevonite; he's evil! Yevon will punish him, ya!"  
  
"Oh yeah, him. Yevon's finally come to the Farplane," Jecht nodded, recalling the smoky black floaty orb thingy that was Sin. I don't like Yu Yevon. He's so damn annoying. I mean seriously, just DIE. But no-o. He's has to use stupid attacks and make my PS2 freeze. TYSH OUI DU RAMM YEVON! TU OUI RAYN SA?! TYSH OUI DU- oh sorry. I just get so mad when I think about that stupid, hateful- I'm sorry, I'll stop now.  
  
"What? Yevon can't die, ya? Yevon is God, ya!"  
  
"No," said Tidus, "Rin is God."  
  
"What?" everyone said, staring at Tidus.  
  
"Why're you looking at me?"  
  
"You just said something about Rin and God," Yuna replied.  
  
"Really? Hm, then why don't I remember?"  
  
They all pondered this great question when they heard a rumble. They all looked for the source when they heard another rumble. Stupid Wakka laughed sheepishly.  
  
"I guess I'm hungry, ya?"  
  
******TO IDIOT-SAMA******  
  
Idiot's head hurt. Now he had a smushed, crusty bloodied nose and a lump on his head. Idiot did NOT feel good. Idiot needed an aspirin and he needed one fast. Idiot managed to get to his feet, wobbling a bit. This time the cockpit door was nice and opened for him. Idiot stumbled through all the screaming, jumping Al Bhed Yevonites, his headache getting worse by the second. He staggered into the kitchen in time to see Rikku and the Cursed Wakka Doll making sushi.  
  
"No, ya? You're doing it all wrong. You roll it like this, ya . . ."  
  
"Oh, I see."  
  
"Fryd'c kuehk uh?" Idiot asked Rikku, wondering why Al Bhed girl was making friends with the thing that turned her family into Yevonite freaks of nature. (What's going on?)  
  
Rikku turned around, her hands covered in gooky stuff from the fish. "Oh, me and CWD were just making some sushi. Since he can't do much with those cloth hands of his, he tells me how to make the sushi."  
  
Idiot had no idea what Rikku just said. Idiot does not know Spiran. "E tur'd cbayg Spiran, Rikku. Fryd tet oui cyo?" (I can't speak Spiran, Rikku. What did you say?)  
  
Rikku translated her earlier sentences for Idiot and then asked what was troubling him.  
  
"Oui bihlrat sa eh dra vyla yht drah E ghulgat ehdu dra tuun. E haat cisa ycbeneh." (You punched me in the face and then I knocked into the door. I need some aspirin.)  
  
"Ur kaaq . . . E's cunno. E fyc y meddma lnyqo drah," Rikku apologized looking very sheepish. She washed her hands and then looked for the aspirin that Idiot needed and got a glass of water as well. She handed both items to Idiot, which he took gratefully and gulped down. Rikku then returned to her fish. (Oh geez . . . I'm sorry. I was a little crazy then.)  
  
"Fro yna oui sygehk cicre fedr dra CWD?" (Why are you making sushi with the CWD?)  
  
Rikku, however, was only concentrating on the sushi. Idiot's head was hurting even more now, even though he took the stupid aspirin. Idiot wanted to sleep. Idiot left the kitchen, wondering why he fell in love with a nutcase like her. He nearly collided with Rin, who was a little battered, but sidestepped just in time. Finding a bed, which was Cid's, he collapsed on it and began to sleep. The day was just not making sense to him. Then again, they never did.  
  
*****TO BE CONTINUED*****  
  
A/N: All right, I'm done with this chapter. If I'm lucky I'll have this fic wrapped up in two or three chapters. You know you guys, you should leave your video games alone. Check out some manga. Watch some anime. Sleep. Learn Al Bhed. IM me and compliment me endlessly on how marvelous my fanfic is. But review before you do any of that stuff. You don't want to hurt my feelings do you? Thanks! 


	12. Chapter 11

A/N: Rammu! Ruf yna oui? Famm? Ruf yna oui? Kuut, E ruba. Yr famm, mad'c kad drec drehk ujah fedr! (Translation at the bottom)  
  
**Quote of the Day** "My famous cousin Warrl used to say that there is no such thing as coincidence, only mortals who have not fought the winds of fate." - Rris the kyree, friend of k' Sheyna Vale, Tale-spinner, History- keeper, and Lesson-teacher of the Hyrrrull Pack, from Winds of Fury, third book in the Mage Winds trilogy by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm sure you've all caught on that I don't own Final Fantasy X.  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: by MoMo-ChAn (I WILL NEVER PUT THE 1!)  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Everyone on the top of the airship, including Evil Wakka, seriously wanted to injure Stupid Wakka. "I guess I'm hungry?!" Jecht comes back to life and all he can think of is FOOD?! Lulu was seriously considering to try and find a way to erase Wakka's existence. (Now, I like Wakka, but I did warn you guys that there would be bashing.) Stupid Wakka still smiled sheepishly, waiting for a response.  
  
"Then we should go to the kitchen," Yuna said carefully, not sure how the others would react.  
  
"Good," said Jecht. "It's been- what? - twelve damn years since I've had a good meal. I'm famished."  
  
Tidus snorted. "Well seeing as how you were Sin for ten years and then dead for two years or so after that, of course you wouldn't have a bloody meal."  
  
"When the hell did you start saying bloody, boy?"  
  
Tidus frowned. Jecht was his father, yes, and he had seen in the spheres that Jecht cared deeply about him, though he never showed it, but he had harbored a hatred for his father for the majority of his lifetime and that is not an easy thing to over come.  
  
"I'm still hungry, ya?"  
  
Everyone but Yuna shot Stupid Wakka death glares. Auron sighed and pushed up his sunglasses with his free arm. "At least you're not the Evil Wakka," he said, "otherwise you'd be throwing so many damned curses at us . . ."  
  
Stupid Wakka nodded.  
  
"Are we going to the kitchen?" Yuna asked tentatively, still uncertain of the moods of the people around her and certainly unnerved by the appearance of "Sir Jecht".  
  
Jecht nodded. "Let's go."  
  
"Who made YOU in charge?" Tidus asked sourly.  
  
"Shut up," Jecht replied pushing Tidus' head down.  
  
"IT IS THE EVIL MASKED TOILET!" cried the Flea.  
  
Everyone blinked. "What?"  
  
Oops. Sorry; watching Mucha Lucha makes me think of the evil masked toilet. And since the evil masked toilet is on the TV right now, I think of the evil masked toilet.  
  
"Anyway," Lulu said, oddly disturbed, "let's just go to the kitchen."  
  
As the strange group traveled down through the airship, they ran into several Al Bhed Yevonites. Jecht knocked a few of them out and spat on their unconscious faces.  
  
"The hell is wrong with them? Is it dress-up-like-the-freak day?" Jecht asked.  
  
"Didn't we tell you about the whole Cursed Wakka Doll?" Lulu replied.  
  
"Cursed what?"  
  
Auron launched into a detailed explanation of the past few . . . hours. Yes it's true! While this story has taken me months, only a few hours have passed in their world! Which is good, because if their time went at the same pace as our world then . . .  
  
"HEY GET ON WITH THE STORY!"  
  
Once again, I'm sorry.  
  
Jecht stared at his old friend with skepticism. "You honestly expect me to believe that this moron," here he gestured to Stupid Wakka, "created a doll that would convert everyone in Spira into zombie Yevonite versions of him? This I gotta see."  
  
As they walked down the hall, Jecht finally noticed that they were on something that depended on machina. "What's with the machina?"  
  
Tidus looked at him scornfully, causing everyone to think that instead of hating his father now, he was jealous. "Don't you know anything? The whole reason people never used machina was because of Yevon's teachings and when the maesters were exposed to using machina and everyone found out that it was actually YEVON who was Sin, they kinda ignored the fact that the Al Bhed excavated an airship. Which they couldn't have done without me." Taking some pride in that last statement, Tidus looked up with a smug expression.  
  
Jecht only knocked his son upside the head and snorted. "Please."  
  
Tidus instantly deflated and was comforted by Yuna. Lulu and Auron hid their snickers and Stupid Wakka only looked confused. Jecht smirked and strutted in front of them all. But he wasn't watching where he was going and knocked straight into another Al Bhed Yevonite. Tidus laughed loudly. Growling, he attempted to knock out the Al Bhed. The Al Bhed, who just so happened to be Blappa, dodged with skill that he remembered from his blitzball career and screamed very loudly, "SINNING! SINNER!"  
  
Lulu, whose hair made it so that she got very big headaches in a short time, scowled and unleashed some magic on Blappa. Blizzaga, to be exact. The poor convert froze in midair, then clattered to the ground.  
  
"Stupid Al Bhed zombie Yevonite Wakka."  
  
"Are we ever going to get to the kitchen?" Stupid Wakka wailed.  
  
Yuna hit him on the head with her Nirvana. "Quiet. You're the one who caused all this trouble in the first place."  
  
"But it was the OTHER me that did that!"  
  
"And it's YOUR fault for not settling your feelings about the whole Yevonite thing."  
  
Wakka only pouted and followed the others into the kitchen, where they met . . .  
  
Rikku and the Cursed Wakka Doll.  
  
"WHAT THE FREAKING HELL?!" Tidus shouted.  
  
Rikku looked up from her plate of sushi. "Me 'n the CWD are chowin' down on this sushi I made. Want shum?" she said, spraying raw fish from her mouth. The others looked at her with disgust and a little green in the face from the raw fish.  
  
"Rikku," Yuna said patiently, "you do realize that you are eating sushi with a doll that you hate?"  
  
"How the hell can a doll eat?" Jecht said.  
  
"It's not gonna make me a Yevonite, ya?"  
  
Lulu threw her Onion Knight at Wakka's head. "You are so damn stupid. And people wonder why I didn't choose you over Chappu."  
  
"Ish 'cause Chappu's a sinner," the CWD said, struggling with his chopsticks.  
  
Auron looked at Rikku. "When did you learn to make sushi?"  
  
"I don't know how to make sushi. That's why CWD taught me."  
  
"This doesn't make any sense!" moaned Tidus.  
  
"I don't think it's supposed to make sense, ya?"  
  
Everyone shot death glares at Wakka, who only countered the glares with, "I'm still hungry, ya."  
  
Normally, Yuna is a very calm person. She often hides her emotions so she does not cause unrest among those she loves. But when one bottles up all of one's emotions, one tends to explode at another's ignorance. Poor Wakka.  
  
"THAT IS IT!" Yuna shrieked, causing everyone to cover their ears. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!! YOU! YOU STUPID, STUPID MAN!" And with that, she attacked Wakka, Nirvana coming down upon his head like a ton of bricks. "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!"  
  
Tidus and the others, except Rikku and the CWD, grabbed Yuna and tried to pry her off of Wakka. It was rather amazing watching three strong men and an incredibly powerful sorceress try to pry this weak looking girl off of another strong looking man. Yuna bit, kicked, scratched, screamed, and thwacked with her Nirvana. No one would stop her hurting Wakka. Wakka was now howling in pain, covering his head with his arms.  
  
"THAT'S IT! SLEEP!" shouted Lulu, casting Sleep on Yuna, who promptly fell to the ground, snoring.  
  
"HA! She DOES snore!" Tidus cried triumphantly.  
  
"That HURT, ya!" whimpered Wakka, rubbing his arms ruefully.  
  
Rikku was stuffing as much sushi as she could in her mouth while the CWD counted how many were in her mouth.  
  
"Five, six, seven, eight, nine . . . Come on, you can do it, ya!" it cried, pumping its little arms in the air while Rikku's tongue tried to adjust the sushi in her mouth. Rikku shook her head, her eyes widening. She grabbed the wastebasket and spit out all the sushi. She gasped, grabbed a glass of water and chugged it down like there was no tomorrow.  
  
"Wow, nine pieces of sushi, that's gotta be a world record!"  
  
The CWD shook his head. "Nope, the record is set by Picolet Chardin IV, or something like that, with the fitting of 5,500 pieces of sushi in his mouth, ya."  
  
Rikku's mouth dropped. "How the heck can anyone have THAT MUCH sushi in their mouth? What is he, some sort of freak?"  
  
"Pretty much, ya."  
  
"I've never heard of this Picolet."  
  
"Who's Picolet, ya?"  
  
Auron and Jecht grabbed Rikku and CWD. "That's enough of that," Auron said in a no-nonsense tone.  
  
"Damn straight."  
  
****WITH OUR BELOVED RIN****  
  
Rin panted. What was wrong with the bloody airship?! It would not let him get to the platform thingy so he could get to Wakka and pour the red potion in the crystalline bottle with the golden winged cap on it on to his head. He opened the next door, only to see Kimahri play poker with Al Bhed converts.  
  
"What are you doing?" Rin asked.  
  
"Kimahri play poker. Kimahri win much gil."  
  
"You're playing with zombie Al Bhed Yevonites!"  
  
The converts froze, then threw their cards in the air screaming, "AL BHED! SINNERS!" They then jumped on their chairs, hollering.  
  
Kimahri shot Rin a death glare, then roared. The converts immediately picked up their cards and sat in their seats quietly. Kimahri said, "Wait. Must talk to Rin." Kimahri got up, grabbed Rin's arm, and then took him outside.  
  
"What you try to do to Kimahri?!" he shouted.  
  
"What do you mean?" Rin said.  
  
"Stupid converts throw cards in air, mix up hands and now they might have better hands than Kimahri! Kimahri no like that! Kimahri have 100 gil riding on poker game!"  
  
"I-I-I-I'm sorry, Kimahri," Rin stammered, "I didn't mean to cause any harm. It's just that . . . What the hell are you doing? Why are you playing with Al Bhed Yevonites?"  
  
"Because Kimahri make lots of gil."  
  
Rin stared in amazement at Kimahri. Then he nodded. He understood the need for money. After all, he ran a business, didn't he? And how many customers had he cheated? Several! With his high prices and other stores eliminated, they had had to pay!  
  
"Nice job Kimahri."  
  
"Kimahri know."  
  
"Well I have to go to the top of the airship, can you help me get there?"  
  
"Why Rin have to go to top of airship?"  
  
"So I can destroy the Evil Wakka."  
  
"Wakka not on top of airship anymore."  
  
Rin looked surprised. "What?"  
  
Kimahri nodded. "Tidus, Yuna, Lulu, Auron, Stupid Wakka, and Jecht all come by door, talking about Cursed Wakka Doll and hunger."  
  
"Oh I- wait a minute, did you say Jecht? As in SIR JECHT?"  
  
Kimahri nodded. "Kimahri must go back to game now." And with that he turned around and entered the room to play some poker. Rin shook his head. This was getting too weird. But how did Sir Jecht come to this world? One could only wonder. But Kimahri did say they were talking about hunger and the only place that a hungry person would go would be . . .  
  
The kitchen.  
  
Rin sprinted towards the kitchen and prayed to some sort of deity.  
  
******TO BE CONTINUED******  
  
A/N: Translation- Hello! How are you? Well? How are you? Good, I hope. Ah well, let's get this thing over with! Oh by the way, Picolet belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. I'm hoping the next chapter will be the last . . . And hopefully you won't have long to wait! 


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: Here it is, the next chapter of Cursed Wakka Doll. Thank you for reviewing, everyone! And special thanks to Haythem, who made me think and go over all of your wonderful reviews! I am freshly inspired and ready to make this a little longer!  
  
**Quote of the Day** "The world I know is where I find my loved ones. If they no longer exist then neither does the world." - Shirou Kamui, X by CLAMP  
  
Disclaimer: I like these things. They're actually kinda fun. I can do all sorts of thing with them. Like making lawyers appear! **Lawyers appear out of thin air** See? Now I can make them disappear! **Lawyers aren't disappearing** Oh . . . Well I don't own Final Fantasy X! **Lawyers disappear** See? I told you!  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll ~ by the Sephy-lover MoMo-ChAn  
  
Chapter 12  
  
Rin didn't understand anything anymore. He had been converted hadn't he? But now he wasn't converted anymore. He had his normal clothes back, though he still had Wakka sandals. No more stubble or gravity-defying red hair. He was regular Rin again. Which was somewhat comforting. But why was the airship being mean to him? Why wouldn't it let him get to Wakka and END the nightmare?  
  
"This is an evil, evil airship," he muttered. "And I can't even sell anything."  
  
Ah, Rin. Forever thinking of profit.  
  
This was getting annoying. It seemed like months had passed when it was only the beginning of sunset! Rin's head was hurting! And Rin is GOD! He kept moving, ignoring the Yevonites and occasionally punching them when they got extra annoying. But then the airship halls began to twist around and Rin became dizzy. He sat down to steady his head when he looked up and saw a couple of Al Bhed Yevonites on the ceiling. This did NOT help Rin's head. Rin's head only hurt more and he wanted to cry and smash the red potion in the crystalline bottle with the winged cap onto the ground.  
  
"This is torture," Rin muttered, right before the twisting halls lulled him to sleep.  
  
***IN THE KITCHEN***  
  
"Lemme go, ya? I didn't do nothing, ya!"  
  
"Like hell you didn't," Auron said flatly, "You turned an entire crew of Al Bhed into zombie Yevonite versions of Wakka."  
  
"How come everybody acts as if turning into me is a bad thing?" Wakka grumbled. Lulu gave him a pitying look. "I know it sounds bad Wakka," she said, "But . . . um . . ."  
  
"See! You don't like me either! Jus' 'cause I kept holding out for Chappu!" Wakka cried then blew a raspberry at her. Lulu sighed.  
  
Yuna, who had woken up, let out a snort and Tidus giggled. Yes, giggled. "Oh man," he said, "Where's a tape recorder when you need one?"  
  
"I'll tell you Mr. Look-at-me-I'm-from-the-Zanarkand-Abes! It's up your-" Rikku was cut off by Jecht's hand.  
  
"Ah-ah-ah. Now, that's not a nice thing to say! And here I thought you were a nice little girl . . .OUCH!" Jecht yelled.  
  
Rikku had bitten his hand, getting angry because of his calling her a little girl. While Jecht was occupied by his bitten hand Rikku broke free and punched him with her Godhand. Jecht doubled over, not expecting a little girl (who was sixteen in the game and if it's been two years, then she's eighteen and NOT a little girl, but hey, that's just me) to hit him and for the hit to actually hurt. See male chauvinism always comes back to bite you in the butt.  
  
"Ha! Not so little NOW am I?" Rikku said, her fists up like a boxer.  
  
"OK," gasped Jecht, reclaiming air, "so your hits can hurt. But that doesn't mean anything. Not one little thing."  
  
Tidus snickered, galvanizing his father into a rage.  
  
"What are you laughing at, boy?"  
  
"You getting beat up by a girl."  
  
Jecht is a very vain man. I'm sure most of you got that when you played the game. Very vain and doesn't show emotions other than anger, pride, and embarrassment. And when the son whom he had though of as a weak, useless crybaby laughs at him, it's not a good thing.  
  
"You wanna take this outside boy?"  
  
Tidus scoffed, as if he could beat Jecht any day. Yuna decided to stop the fighting by hitting both men over the head with the Nirvana. They promptly stopped fighting, remembering Yuna's rage at Wakka.  
  
"Hey, did you forget me?"  
  
All eyes turned the Cursed Wakka Doll, who was hanging upside down by his leg. Auron was just watching everyone, standing motionless.  
  
"Of course we didn't forget you, CWD!" Rikku exclaimed. "You're one of my best friends, you know?"  
  
Lulu choked on the water she was drinking. "W-what?"  
  
Wakka crowed. "Somebody does like me, ya!"  
  
At that instant, Wakka's eyes turned black and an evil smirk crossed his face. "You guys are taking too long to feed me, ya?"  
  
"Oh," said Tidus, "that's why we came down here. I had forgotten."  
  
Jecht stared at Evil Wakka. "What the hell just happened? Why's he talkin' different?" Jecht went over to Evil Wakka and knocked on his head. "Hello? You OK in there?"  
  
Evil Wakka grabbed his arm and twisted it behind Jecht's back. "Don't do that," he growled, "I am to be treated with respect, ya."  
  
Jecht frowned and tried to break free, but Wakka's grip was too strong. Rikku, on the other hand, didn't like the way Evil Wakka acted and pounced on him. She bit his arm and as the Evil Wakka howled in pain he let go of Jecht. Lulu then shocked him into submission with Thundara. Everyone clapped for Lulu and Rikku's brave actions and Rikku bowed to the crowd.  
  
"HEY!"  
  
Then they remembered the doll. Auron was still holding the doll by the leg, smirking now; he tended to find things amusing when no one looked. The CWD on the other hand, was struggling in vain, trying to escape the unbreakable grip of Auron. Not even Rikku would attempt to break free.  
  
Evil Wakka frowned. This doll was his greatest triumph. It would convert all into Yevonites and have everyone atone for their sins, especially now that the Al Bhed had introduced machina to everyone. He moved his limbs jerkily, for they were not functioning properly due to Lulu's Thundara. "Hey, let go of my doll, ya?"  
  
Silence swept the room, and then it exploded in laughter. The sheer stupidity that sounded in that simple phrase struck the occupants as extremely funny. Of course, Evil Wakka didn't like that.  
  
"Hey! It's mine! I need it to purge the world of Sin!"  
  
"Hey buddy," Tidus said, "we already did that!"  
  
Evil Wakka frowned. "You didn't do it the right way, ya? Didn't use the Final Aeon, did ya? It's 'cause of you, Spira's drenched in sin, ya?"  
  
"What does it matter?" Auron replied, "Sin is gone forever. The people of Spira don't need to fear the return of Sin after a decade or less. Besides, your precious maesters didn't follow the teachings."  
  
"Hey! Don't go offending the maesters, ya?"  
  
Lulu snorted. "Please. You saw the machina. Bevelle temple was crawling with it! They even used machina to hold us at bay while they forced Yuna into marrying Seymour!"  
  
Yuna shuddered. "Don't talk about that! I still have nightmares!" Tidus pulled her close in a loving embrace. It would have been sweet if the events of the day hadn't been so strange. But then again, it is Spira. When is anything not strange?  
  
Jecht stretched and yawned. "I'm tired. Where can I go to sleep?"  
  
Rikku raised her hand in the air and waved it. "Oh I know! Come with me, I'll take you to the sleeping quarters!" She grabbed Jecht's hand and dragged him out of the door. Howled the CWD, "What about me?"  
  
"What about you?" Auron countered.  
  
"I've been abused this whole time, ya?" the doll said. "I been insulted, cheated, stepped on, held upside down, and I don't get to do what I'm supposed to do!"  
  
"You mean convert people against their will?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
Lulu, Tidus and Yuna watched the exchange between Auron and the Cursed Wakka Doll. Evil Wakka, however, was eating whatever food he could without touching anything machina-related. Of course, that didn't make much sense seeing as he's on the airship, but he pleasantly cut that fact out of his mind. He also cut out the fact that he was eating Al Bhed food, but that apparently didn't matter.  
  
"Lemme down, ya?"  
  
"No."  
  
Tidus said, "Where did Rikku take my old man?"  
  
"Took him to the sleeping quarters."  
  
"There are sleeping quarters on the airship?"  
  
"Apparently," Yuna responded lightly, succumbing to sleepiness as well. "Let's try to find them, I'm tired too . . ."  
  
Tidus is a man, regardless of other peoples' opinion. When a lady says she's tired and wants to go to bed, perverted thoughts run through a man's mind. But since this is a PG fic and I have not intention of indulging in the fantasies of Tidus, we'll just have him be tired as well. So stop thinking perverted thoughts, hentais!  
  
"OK," Tidus said, yawning and stretching. Yuna took his hand and led him out of the kitchen, heading for the sleeping quarters. Lulu and Auron were again left with Wakka. The Cursed Wakka Doll had lost his spirit and now hung limp from Auron's unbreakable grip.  
  
"So what do we do now?" Lulu asked.  
  
"We might as well find Kimahri," Auron said, "I haven't seen him since Idiot pushed that button and we went to kick the blitzball at Wakka's head."  
  
"That's right, ya? You kicked a blitzball at my head! You gotta repent!"  
  
Auron looked at him, amused. "Oh do I?"  
  
"Of course, ya! Yevon says we must always atone for our sins!"  
  
"Then atone for hurting Rikku."  
  
"But she's Al Bhed! She's a heathen, ya!"  
  
Lulu snorted. "And as an Al Bhed, she could kick your ass any day!"  
  
"Hey!" said Evil Wakka, "Leave my donkey out of it, ya."  
  
Auron and Lulu looked at each other, as if to say, "Since when did Wakka own a donkey?" Auron sighed and turned the doll right side up. "All right, doll, where's our friend Kimahri? What did you do to him?"  
  
"I didn't do nothing, ya! All I did was buy a potion to make Wakka's face blue from an Al Bhed Yevonite! I don't know what happened to that dumb Ronso!"  
  
"Then you'll just have to help us look for him," Auron said, turning to the door in order to leave the room. Lulu followed until Evil Wakka shouted, "What am I supposed to do, ya?!"  
  
Auron turned around and said, "You might as well clean up the kitchen. Isn't cleanliness part of being a Yevonite?"  
  
Evil Wakka frowned, then nodded. "I guess you're right," he said, then proceeded to clean the kitchen. Seeing Wakka clean was a little funny, so Lulu snickered for a moment, then followed Auron. They would find Kimahri and enlist his help so they could end this nightmare. It could only take so long.  
  
"So," said the CWD, "what are you gonna do with me when all this is over?"  
  
"Shred you," Auron replied.  
  
"Burn you," Lulu answered.  
  
"So you're just gonna destroy me?"  
  
"You catch on quick."  
  
The CWD grumbled a foul word and Auron responded by shaking him. The CWD decided to be quiet and humble so as not to anger the man in red coat whom we worship. Lulu had her Onion Knight scouring the airship in order to find the blue Ronso that we love. The Knight returned and jumped into her arms, signifying that he had found the room where Kimahri was. As he pointed the way, Lulu and Auron rushed to find their friend and end the strangest adventure in . . . well actually, I bet someone else could think of something even stranger than converting everyone into Yevonites. Well, you guys know what I mean.  
  
******TO BE CONTINUED******  
  
A/N: Cruddy cheese. You guys I'm losing inspiration. OK, two more chapters and then I'll have to quit. Don't worry, I'll go out with a bang! It could be literally, but hey, you never know . . . 


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: God bless you, Haythem. Or Sephiroth bless you if you're an atheist, but whatever. More importantly, I have inspiration for this chapter, though the next chapter will DEFINITELY be the last. And then you can all check out Vincent's Halloween Party in the FF7 section of FF.net!  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill.  
  
**Quote of the Day** "You know, our meeting must be the blessing of Yevon." - Yuna, SS Liki (Man, am I lame or what?)  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: written by the immortal MoMo-ChAn  
  
Chapter 13  
  
The Besaid Aurochs suck.  
  
I just thought I'd say that before I continued the chapter.  
  
Anyway, Yuna was sitting on her bed, dimly wondering why she had been a sphere hunter in extremely skimpy clothes with Rikku in even more extremely skimpy clothes and a girl with the a personality mix of Lulu and Auron's named Paine in her dream. (Sorry, I played an FFX-2 demo.) Shaking her head of the memory, she stretched and looked at the sleeping Tidus. He was snoring lightly and a bit of drool hung from a corner of his mouth. She contemplated wiping it away, but then it dropped and was absorbed into the sheets. Oh, where was a sphere when you needed one!  
  
"Tidus?" she asked tentatively. He snorted and she giggled. She looked around and found Jecht and Rikku asleep. (ON SEPARATE BEDS YOU HENTAIS!) So she was bored. No one else was here and awake. Except . . .  
  
"Kuut sunhehk, Myto Yuna," Idiot said, inclining his head towards her. Yuna stared at him blankly, wondering what he had said. (Good morning, Lady Yuna.)  
  
"Um . . . hello," Yuna replied, wishing that she had studied the primers. Idiot looked blankly at her, dimly wondering why his stomach was growling. He shrugged and left, tripping over his Al Bhed boots. Yuna laughed at his klutzy-ness and then felt badly about it because that's just the kind of person she is.  
  
"Tidus!" she said sharply, "GET UP!" She pushed him and he fell off the bed.  
  
"OUCH!"  
  
"I'm sorry," Yuna said, Curing Tidus.  
  
"That wasn't very nice Yuna," Tidus said reproachfully.  
  
"I know, I'm sorry."  
  
"So why did you push me off the bed?" Tidus asked, getting up and stretching. He cracked a few knuckles and rotated his head. He looked at Yuna, who responded with a simple, yet extremely explanatory, "Meh."  
  
Yuna got up and dusted off her dress. "You know," she said, "I want to find Kimahri. I haven't seen him in a while. You know, we've been together since I was seven. He's like a . . . a substitute father figure!"  
  
"He's a giant blue cat that stands on his hind legs," muttered Tidus, low enough so that Yuna wouldn't hear. If she did, he'd be back in the Farplane. For good, because Yuna loved Kimahri very, very much.  
  
"Come on, let's go!"  
  
***CHANGE OF SCENE***  
  
Kimahri was happy. It's a rare moment when Kimahri's happy. His horn was broken, he was kicked off of Mt. Gagazet, he had to take a dumb little girl from Bevelle ALL THE WAY to BESAID, he had to be the dumb kid's guardian, and then he had to help rescue the dumb girl's dream boyfriend. Who was, quite literally, a dream. But it didn't matter now. You know why? It's because Kimahri's winning at poker.  
  
"Show hand," Kimahri commanded the Al Bhed Yevonite poker players. They showed their hands. One had four twos and a king, another had a four, five, six, seven, and eight, and the other two had folded before. Kimahri grinned his feral, I'm-gonna-eat-you grin. He showed his hand. Four aces and a king of spades.  
  
"Kimahri win," he said happily, grabbing the poker chips and pulled them towards him. The Al Bhed cursed, saying things like, "May fiends eat your children" and "I hope you get captured by the Al Bhed." Kimahri wanted to laugh at the irony. The Al Bhed were friends of his, and the people sitting at the table WERE Al Bhed! It was very amusing, but Kimahri said nothing. Kimahri is not stupid.  
  
"Kimahri!"  
  
Kimahri froze. Kimahri thought Kimahri heard Man in Red Coat. Man in Red Coat had died before, but came back to life. Man in Red Coat could be called "legendary guardian" as much as he wanted; Kimahri knew Man in Red Coat tried to stop Lord Braska from completing his pilgrimage. But why, why was Man in Red Coat looking for Kimahri?  
  
Lady with Big Boobs opened the door and entered, crying, "Kimahri!"  
  
"What do you want?" Kimahri said in Kimahri's deep voice.  
  
Man in Red Coat said, "We've been looking for you."  
  
Stupid Doll said, " . . ."  
  
"Why you look for Kimahri? Kimahri HAPPY. Kimahri play poker with-" Kimahri lowered his voice, "- with Al Bhed Yevonites. And Kimahri win all the time!"  
  
Man in Red Coat and Lady with Big Boobs stared at him. Stupid Doll hung limply from Man in Red Coat's hand. It seemed as if Stupid Doll had lost all will to live.  
  
"Where Rikku?" Kimahri asked.  
  
"Sleeping."  
  
"Where Rin?"  
  
Man in Red Coat and Lady with Big Boobs looked at each other. Kimahri could tell that they didn't think about that. Kimahri laughed inwardly at their stupidity. Rin was unconscious by platform thingy; Kimahri had checked.  
  
"Go away. Kimahri must deal hand."  
  
Stupid Doll came to life. "Poker? I wanna play poker, ya?"  
  
Kimahri looked at Stupid Doll. Kimahri did not like Stupid Doll. Stupid Doll was annoying. Stupid Doll wanted to convert everyone in Spira into Gravity-Defying Red Hair Man. Gravity-Defying Red Hair Man was super- annoying. More annoying than even crazy Al Bhed Girl.  
  
"No," Kimahri said firmly.  
  
"Come on, ya?!"  
  
Kimahri pondered this. Maybe Stupid Doll could help him get more gil from stupid Al Bhed Yevonites. Maybe Stupid Doll could use knowledge of Yevon. Kimahri grinned the "I'm-gonna-eat-you" grin.  
  
"OK. Kimahri agrees."  
  
Man in Red Coat frowned. "That's not a good idea."  
  
Kimahri shook his head. "Doll cannot convert anyone. Everyone converted! Doll can help Kimahri win Kimahri's dream vacation!"  
  
Lady with Big Boobs said, "What dream vacation? You've been everywhere in Spira!"  
  
Kimahri shook his head. "Kimahri wants to go to special place. Kimahri wants to buy airship and go on dream vacation. It is Kimahri's ultimate goal in life."  
  
"I thought that was to protect Yuna," Lady with Big Boobs said.  
  
"Kimahri did that. Yuna have five other people to protect her. Kimahri wants Kimahri's dream vacation. Kimahri alone."  
  
Man in Red Coat smiled a little. Kimahri didn't like it when he smiled. That meant Man in Red Coat would agree, but would find some way to mess everything up. Oh how Kimahri hated Man in Red Coat!  
  
"Kimahri!"  
  
Kimahri nearly groaned in horror. Yuna coming! And she probably has Stupid Blond Boy with her! Damn it all!  
  
Yuna came running in and bumped into Auron. Auron turned around and asked if Yuna was all right. Lulu turned as well and asked Yuna if she was all right. Yuna nodded, bowed, and apologized. Yuna is always apologizing.  
  
"I'm so sorry," Yuna said. Tidus came in behind her and saw the poker table. His eyes lit up at the cards. "Hey!" he cried, "Deal me in!" This time Kimahri groaned. Kimahri did not like Stupid Blond Boy! Stupid Blond Boy STUPID. Kimahri did not understand what Yuna see in Stupid Blond Boy. Better than Seymour and Isaaru and any other male character they met, but still!  
  
"Kimahri play alone."  
  
Tidus looked at the Cursed Wakka Doll, who was dealing out hands for the Al Bhed Yevonites. "Oh yeah? What's the crazy doll doing?"  
  
Kimahri looked behind him. "Kimahri and Stupid Doll alone."  
  
"Kimahri . . ." Yuna said reproachfully.  
  
"We were trying to tell him not to play with that crazy doll," Lulu said, seeing as how she hadn't said anything in a while and was feeling uncomfortable, "He didn't see how Rikku was acting when it taught her to make sushi."  
  
"Kimahri saw. Kimahri looked for kettlecorn."  
  
They all looked at Kimahri in disbelief. "You saw Rikku with the Cursed Wakka Doll," Auron said slowly, "and you didn't do anything about it?"  
  
"Rikku crazy. Kimahri leave Rikku alone. Rikku frighteningly powerful when psycho. And Kimahri could not find kettlecorn." Kimahri said all this calmly. He didn't care what the others thought of him. After his dream vacation, he'd ditch them and head out to Gagazet. Besaid made his fur damp. Damp fur is not fun, I can tell oui that!  
  
They shook their heads collectively. They had the audacity to be ASHAMED of Kimahri? Kimahri did not like this. Kimahri would show them!  
  
"Where Gr- where Wakka?"  
  
Now THEY looked ashamed of themselves. Kimahri chuckle softly.  
  
"We- ah- left him in the kitchen to clean up," Auron said.  
  
"We told him that cleanliness was part of being a Yevonite," Lulu added.  
  
Kimahri was aghast. Stupid Blond Boy could eat, but Gravity-Defying Red Hair Man eat even more than starving Ronso! Kimahri feared kitchen. Gravity-Defying Red Hair Man would eat everything after cleaning. He was like that. Kimahri had hated him when he was child. Kimahri wished that it had been Gravity-Defying Red Hair Man who went and got killed as a Crusader and not Funky Red Hair Man. Funky Red Hair Man could blitz, I tell you what. Made Lady with Big Boobs nice too.  
  
"You left Crazy Evil Wakka in kitchen? Alone?"  
  
Even Stupid Blond Boy was aghast. And Stupid Blond Boy no catch on quick to things. Kimahri proud of Stupid Blond Boy; just a little.  
  
"We gotta get him!" cried Tidus. "Who knows what he could do?"  
  
"He can't do much," Lulu said, "He's deathly afraid of machina."  
  
"His blitzball isn't!"  
  
Lulu colored. She had evidently not thought of that.  
  
[WARNING!] shouted the airship, [OUT OF FUEL! CRASHING INTO MAINLAND OR SEA IS IMMINENT! GET YOUR ARSES TO THE BRIDGE!]  
  
Everyone ran to the control room, except the Yevonites, who were too busy screaming about death and how they still had to atone etc. Rikku, Jecht, and Rin had been startled out of their non-conscious state and also ran to the bridge. They all exploded into the room after all of them got stuck in the door. It was a sloppy dog pile with the CWD on top. They all looked up to find Idiot and Stupid Wakka pushing each other. Though they could not understand each other's languages, stupidity transcends all boundaries.  
  
"Oui tet ed!" (You did it!)  
  
"You did it!"  
  
"Hu, oui tet ed!"  
  
"No, you did it!"  
  
And so on and so forth. Rikku managed to wriggle out of the pile and stand in front of the two idiot men.  
  
"Alright, what did you idiots do?" she demanded. Both went silent and ashamed.  
  
Auron managed to get everyone off of himself for his Masamune liked to poke people in the back or the front. It wasn't very picky. He noticed a bright, flashing red button, the proper color of a panicky button.  
  
"What does this button do?" he asked Rikku.  
  
"It releases ALL the fuel! Not just the fuel in the tank, but in the cargo as well!"  
  
Everyone gasped and secretly thought that it was pretty stupid to have a button like that. They also hoped that they were above the Calm Lands, because that much gasoline would most likely not be good for any environment.  
  
"What are we gonna do?" cried Tidus.  
  
Rin hesitated before he spoke. "I . . . I have an alternative fuel source. It will keep the airship in the air for an hour or two, but we must wait a whole month with Al Bhed Yevonites and the Psycho Wakka. It's either that or death."  
  
Everyone decided that they could live with the airship insanity for another month or so. They didn't really want to die, especially since three of them had recently come back to life. But who would do it? Anyone big enough would be swept off the airship!  
  
"I'll do it, ya?"  
  
Everyone stared at the Cursed Wakka Doll. "You?" they said in unison.  
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna do it, ya? Can't let any self-respecting Yevonites die like this; unknown and in a machina ship."  
  
And so it was up to the Brave Cursed Wakka Doll, with Rin's red potion in a crystalline bottle with a golden winged cap on his back, to save the day. Oh the irony!  
  
*****TO BE CONTINUED*****  
  
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed it! Review, ya! 


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: Hello for the last time! This is the conclusion to The Cursed Wakka Doll. I'm sorry it has to end, y' know? It was a lot of fun working on this, but frustrating too, 'cause I couldn't get any inspiration. But I would like to thank each and every one of you guys who reviewed. Except for those two people who flamed me but didn't say anything that could make my writing better. Hmm. Anyway, enjoy!  
  
**Quote of the Day** "What matters is being alive! Even if things get tough, there will come a time when we can laugh at them!" - Nuriko (-chan), Fushigi Yuugi by Yu Watase **cries**  
  
Disclaimer: Aw, phooey. Won't I ever own ANYTHING?  
  
!!! WARNING !!! If you have never played Threads of Fate and would like to, there is a spoiler beneath. Rue is a- **gets hit on head**  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll: written by the mentally deranged MoMo-ChAn  
  
Chapter 14  
  
Cursed Wakka Doll couldn't believe what he was doing. The airship was falling quite fast, but never actually crashed into the land. He wondered about that before the authoress decided that he was thinking too much and wiped his mind. Why did he have the red potion in the crystalline bottle with a winged cap on his back?  
  
****FLASHBACK****  
  
"You mean YOU'RE going to save us?" Tidus asked, amazed.  
  
CWD nodded, then frowned as everyone laughed. "What?" he asked defiantly, "I can't let good Yevonites die without saving Spira, ya!"  
  
"I thought we had already told you," Yuna said patiently, "that we already saved Spira."  
  
"From Sin, ya? But the people's souls need saving, ya? You've corrupted all of them with your evil machina!"  
  
"Hey guys," said Stupid Wakka, pointing out the giant window as clouds rushed past it, "I think we're falling faster now."  
  
"Of course we are!" Tidus cried exuberantly. "It has something to do with gravity and velocity, you know."  
  
"And that something would be . . ." Lulu trailed off.  
  
Tidus shrugged. "I don't know. Never was any good in school."  
  
"You can say that again," Auron muttered, recalling the moments when Tidus would solemnly hand him a report card filled with C's, D's, and the occasional F and then merrily skip off to practice his stupid blitz skills.  
  
"Well," Rikku said, being her impatient self, "none of that matters, y' know?"  
  
CWD was getting impatient. "Just gimme the potion, ya!" Rin frowned. "What if you drop it? You don't exactly have any thumbs."  
  
All of the people on the bridge pondered this while Kimahri and Idiot pressed buttons, deciding that since they were going to die they might as well have fun. (Though a missile that Idiot accidentally launched hit Kilika's temple.) Stupid Wakka, however, decided to be even stupider and turned into Evil Wakka.  
  
"No!" he shouted. "Better to have the machina and the heathens die now, ya?!"  
  
CWD gasped. "But- but what about the Yevonites, ya?"  
  
"They're Al Bhed! They're HEATHENS!"  
  
"They believe in Yevon!"  
  
"Once a heathen always a heathen, ya!" Evil Wakka said firmly.  
  
Nearly everyone watched this exchange between doll and the creator; Kimahri and Idiot in the meanwhile found Cid's secret stash of kettlecorn and a mini-microwave and popped the bag in. Kimahri was now truly happy for Kimahri had found Kimahri's beloved kettlecorn, something that he would die for.  
  
"Kimahri!" Yuna said sharply, "FOCUS!"  
  
Kimahri growled and grabbed his premature kettlecorn and began to feast upon it as he joined the group thinking. Kimahri was once again not happy, even though Rikku had duct taped Evil Wakka's mouth shut. And then Tidus had a breakthrough.  
  
"The duct tape!"  
  
Everyone stared at him. "What?" said Auron harshly, not being much of a fan of tape, remembering when Jecht had oh-so-kindly wrapped him up and stashed him in a closet room in the Kilika Inn. Now that he thought about it, he never did like Jecht or his son.  
  
Tidus explained. "You see, we can duct tape the potion to the doll's back and then he can climb out and refuel the tank, you know?"  
  
Rikku shook her head. "How is he going to stick to the airship walls? More duct tape?"  
  
Tidus nodded. "Exactly! And then he can fill the tank up and save us all!"  
  
Everyone wanted to think of a better plan than the one Tidus had come up with, but came up blank. Hesitantly they all gave into Tidus' idea and began to put tape on the Cursed Wakka Doll.  
  
"But how am I gonna get the potion off my back, ya?"  
  
Evil Wakka made an unintelligible sound and was hit by Kimahri. Obviously, this little scene was ignored because no one likes Wakka. Not even Lulu, who's supposed to- WAIT! NO! I cannot spoil stuff for you guys in FFX-2. Unless you already know. But then you know what I'm talking about while the people who don't know what I'm talking about will wonder what I'm talking about and will buy FFX-2 to understand what I'm talking about. HA! SQUARE-ENIX, I'M PROMOTING STUFF FOR YOU!  
  
Tidus gave him his pocketknife. "Cut it off with this, but make sure you don't drop that potion!"  
  
CWD snatched the pocketknife and tucked it away. He gave everyone the thumbs up sign and walked to the door. He stood in front of it for a full minute before he kicked it and shouted, "YOU STUPID DOOR!"  
  
Auron, Tidus, and Kimahri snickered but went silent at Lulu and Yuna's glares. Yuna went over to the door and opened it for him. After flashing Yuna a grateful smile, he hurried out the door; eager to save lives and go down in Spira history. Which he won't because NO ONE would ever say they were saved by a doll. Except in Threads of Fate but that's something else. Rue looks human so no one except a few choice people actually knew he was a doll of- **gets hit on the head again** I'm sorry. I'll continue the story.  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll boldly ran through the airship corridors, dodging the psychopathic Yevonites with unsurpassable speed. Pocketknife in hand, he slashed what few got to close and, to his surprise, found pleasure in their howls of pain. Sooner or later, the Yevonites got the idea that the doll would stick them if they got in his way and the parted, like the Red Sea for Moses. Cursed Wakka Doll ran even faster as the airship nose- dived and gravity was pulling him in the opposite direction of the platform thingy. The Yevonites screamed as gravity laughed and pulled them down.  
  
Miraculously, CWD managed to get to the platform and used the duct tape on his hands and feet to move across the airship without falling off. Moving with difficulty because the duct tape liked the outside of the airship, CWD searched for the gasoline tank-opening thing. He covered nearly the whole airship when he finally went to the spot where Cactuar Elio committed suicide. Using the pocketknife, he pried open the rather small opening for gasoline and slashed the duct tape on his back.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
***MEANWHILE***  
  
Everyone was once again slumped into a pile. This was because of gravity. People, as you have seen throughout your life, despise gravity.  
  
"GET OFF OF ME!" Jecht roared in unison with Tidus and Yuna. Now, everyone knew the extent of Jecht and Tidus' rage, but Yuna's rage . . . well that was a different story. Everyone did their best to scramble away from the area where Yuna was but, again, gravity laughed and pulled them back down. A few people caught on fire before people managed to grasp control panels, chairs, and the save sphere.  
  
"Please stop putting people on fire," Lulu said to Yuna, casting Water on Evil Wakka's butt, "it's too dangerous. Blizzard is fine, but not fire."  
  
Yuna growled. "Fire is more painful."  
  
Lulu couldn't argue with that and shrugged as she healed (My Lulu knows white magic!) Wakka's burned behind. Kimahri and Auron, being the best characters in FFX, except for Rin, who is God, were untouched. Rin's hair had been singed, but on closer look was now perfect. Tidus and Jecht looked at their recently healed arms and wondered about what would have happened if the fire had been allowed to burn. Rikku had lost the blue fin/wing things on her back and only Idiot's sheer idiocy saved him from being burnt.  
  
"Um . . . Are we still nose-diving?" Tidus asked, clutching the save sphere.  
  
"YES!" was the collective response. Tidus nodded. "Thought so."  
  
Rikku was sitting in Brother's seat in the cockpit and stared at the blue, blue ocean. "Hey, you think that the Cursed Wakka Doll will make it in time."  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence. "Yes," Yuna said with confidence, breaking the silence. Rin's eyes swiveled towards her. "But how do you know?"  
  
"Simple," Yuna responded, "We cannot die."  
  
This made everyone think. How many times had they gone on suicidal missions and came out pretty much untouched? Excluding that nasty business with Sin and Yunalesca killing Auron and Tidus being a dream of the fayth. But otherwise they had all got out of sticky situations with hardly a scratch. Therefore, unless the destruction they would face would be of cataclysmic levels and would wipe out several thousand lives, anyone and everyone would get out without a scratch.  
  
"Ir . . ." Idiot said, "E drehk dryd'c Bevelle pahaydr ic . . . pid E's hud cina." (Um . . . I think that's Bevelle beneath us . . . but I'm not sure.)  
  
"FRYD?!" Rikku cried in horror, reverting to Al Bhed, "Massa caa!" Leaning in Brother's seat she looked out the giant window and saw nothing other than the big city of Bevelle. "UR CRED! FA'NA KUEHK DU TUCDNUO BEVELLE!" (WHAT?! Lemme see! OH SHIT! WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY BEVELLE!)  
  
Rin hastily translated Rikku and Idiot's words for all to understand. Everyone's eyes widened, even Kimahri's, but that was because he had run out of kettlecorn and all that was left were the unpopped kernels.  
  
"We're gonna crash into Bevelle and die?!" Jecht howled. "But I just came back to life! This isn't fair!"  
  
"Life never is," Auron said flatly. "You should have learned that already."  
  
Jecht glowered at him. Kimahri said, "What now?"  
  
"We'll just have to put our faith in the Cursed Wakka Doll," Rin said. "There is nothing else that we can do."  
  
Everyone nodded and sincerely hoped that there was a major blitz game going on and that the residents of Bevelle had abandoned their homes to go watch. Of course that wasn't true. As it turns out, everyone was home to celebrate Family Day, a newly instituted holiday since nobody in the family had died except of natural causes in two years. How unfortunate that they would all die due to Idiot and Stupid Wakka pushing random buttons!  
  
***TO THE CURSED WAKKA DOLL***  
  
Struggling with the duct tape that held the red potion in the crystalline bottle with the winged cap, the Cursed Wakka Doll contorted and twisted, trying to catch it.  
  
"Damn you, you stupid red potion in a crystalline bottle with a winged cap!" the CWD muttered with fury in his voice. He twisted more and more and more and still completely missed the bottle. Oh my.  
  
***IN BEVELLE***  
  
"I'm so happy that none of us has died at-"  
  
"Hey, Dad?"  
  
"Yes son?"  
  
"Isn't that the airship plummeting towards us at an incredible speed?"  
  
"Honey, grab the kids and whatever valuable items you have. We're going to the Calm Lands! HURRY!"  
  
***ON TOP OF THE AIRSHIP**  
  
The Cursed Wakka Doll was still struggling with the potion as the wind screamed as the airship continued its doomed descent into Bevelle. The CWD was suddenly struck with inspiration and he did what nobody has done at all in the duration of this fanfic.  
  
He did the prayer.  
  
Immediately after the prayer, the potion bottle practically fell into his hands, ripe and ready to save the day. The CWD now had another dilemma to face. The cap would not come off! And he could not put the potion down to do the prayer or it would fall off and everyone would die! And he couldn't let the airship crash into Bevelle! Do you know what Bevelle is? It's the home of YEVON! OK, it never was, Zanarkand was, but why shatter the doll's belief? It's sad enough that he's a Yevonite. After all, the maesters were situated in Bevelle and they were supposed to be acolytes of Yevon, so it's all-good.  
  
Using his teeth, CWD tried to yank off the cap in order to open the bottle. It would not come off! Cursing Rin, he looked at the bottle. All it said was: Lremtbnuuv lyb. Du ubyh: bicr tufh yht dinh du dra nekrd. Du lmuca: dinh du dra mavd. (Childproof cap. To open: push down and turn to the right. To close: turn to the left.) Just his luck! He didn't know how to speak Al Bhed! Or read it! And everyone was gonna die! This would be such a huge tragedy! What was he going to do?! WHAT?!  
  
Cursed Wakka Doll did what anyone else in his position would do. Pushed the cap down and turned it to the right. Miraculously, the cap popped off and the CWD allowed it to fall down and harmless bounce off the temple, where it then plummeted and killed a priest who was plotting to kill Meyvan Nooj of the Youth League. YAY!  
  
"Now," Cursed Wakka Doll said, "everyone will be saved, ya!"  
  
He poured all the contents of the potion into the gas tank and waited.  
  
***TO THE BRIDGE***  
  
Buttons that had gone dim suddenly brightened and gravity howled in sadness for the airship's auto pilot took over and righted the ship, barely missing crashing into the city, though the stern managed to knock off the top of Bevelle's temple. Everyone let out a huge sigh and sank to the ground. The Cursed Wakka Doll burst into the bridge, beaming.  
  
"Hey, I saved Bevelle, ya!" he cried.  
  
"Yes you did," Yuna said.  
  
Rin was patting his sides and took out yet another red potion in a crystalline bottle with a winged cap. "Ah," he said, "I thought I had another one of these."  
  
"What the hell is that anyway?" Jecht asked, his legs stabilizing.  
  
"It is a potion to banish Wakka's evilness away."  
  
All of them looked at the unconscious Wakka. He looked pretty harmless and that stuff did look kinda poisonous . . .  
  
"What happens if we pour it on him?" Tidus asked.  
  
Rin shrugged. "I don't know. This is just a prototype."  
  
"Use it," Kimahri said. Kimahri didn't care what happened to Gravity Defying Red Hair Man. Gravity Defying Red Hair Man annoying.  
  
Idiot said, "Drana'c hudrehk fa lyh tu. Fa lisd ica dra budeuh uh Wakka. Ihmacc fa fyhd ajanouha du cdyo yc yh Al Bhed Yevonite." Everyone stared at Idiot as an open-mouthed Rikku translated his words. (There's nothing we can do. We must use the potion on Wakka. Unless we want everyone to stay as an Al Bhed Yevonite.)  
  
"Idiot," Rikku said slowly, "Tet oui cyo cusadrehk csynd?" (Did you say something smart?)  
  
Idiot shrugged.  
  
"You heard him," Auron said, "we have to use the potion."  
  
"Wait!" the Cursed Wakka Doll cried, "What happens after you give him the potion? What'll happen to me?"  
  
"You'll stop being alive," Rin said flatly.  
  
Everyone avoided eye contact with the doll as he scanned the room. He hung his cloth head in sorrow. "It's OK, ya? Go ahead."  
  
Looking sadly at the doll, Rin opened the potion bottle. Carefully, he approached Wakka, poised to pour it on him. His hand trembled and everyone held his or her breath. Rin tipped the bottle over and it's contents splashed all over Wakka. The Cursed Wakka Doll seized up and fell over limp, it's eyes dark and glassy. The Al Bhed Yevonites flashed gold and then all were in a pile, normal as can be, Cid at the bottom.  
  
Wakka woke up, his stupidity somewhat diminished. "Ya?" he said drowsily.  
  
"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Everyone cheered as they heard Normal Wakka and Cid's voices! The nightmare was over!  
  
"Is . . ." Idiot said, "E druikrd dryd dra airship fuimt uhmo pa eh dra yen vun y crund desa . . ." (Um . . . I thought that the airship would only be in the air for a short time . . .). Everyone ignored Idiot for the door had opened and everyone cheered and was all happy and gunk with a seriously confused Wakka and a couple people gaping at the now alive Jecht and all that mushy yucky stuff that we don't like. Kimahri, however, bent over and picked up the limp doll. Kimahri didn't hate Stupid Doll all that much . . . He tucked the doll in a secret pocket with the rest of the gil and celebrated with the others.  
  
***AFTER A WHILE***  
  
Kimahri had left Besaid and returned to Gagazet. Jecht moved to Luca. Auron decided to travel all over Spira for no apparent reason. Wakka moved in with Lulu. Tidus and Yuna were their neighbors and often played tricks on them, like setting their house on fire. Rikku traveled all over Spira as a sphere hunter.  
  
Deep in a cave in Gagazet, the Cursed Wakka Doll stood propped up against a stone in a small altar. The light of the candles reflected off of his glass eyes and made him look alive. There he stands to this day, a tribute to psychotic Yevonite-ness and randomness everywhere. Unfortunately, a couple of straggler humans saw him and believed him to be a God, starting the Doll Religion, a sort of cult that spread all over Spira and was later quashed when Wakka went to the site of the Doll and took him away.  
  
*****THE END*****  
  
A/N: Yes, a corny ending to all. I had wanted to destroy Bevelle temple, but I like Bahamut's fayth too much. Finally, this fic is over. If any of you don't like it, well . . . Screw you. I'm tired of this fic and my head hurts from trying to make it funny. You try it. Anyone who wants to take elements of this fic and use it in their own has my permission. God bless you all and remember: If it doesn't say "ya" it's probably safe. ~_^ Love ya! Don't forget to review!  
  
Oh yeah, I'm gonna have a new fic called The Trial. If you see it, please read it. That's all!  
  
MoMo-ChAn (@_@) 


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